Something There That Wasn't There Before
by Clarry
Summary: Logan is noticing something different about James.  Yes, this is slash.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes:** Anyone reading this knows that Nickelodeon owns the rights to Big Time Rush, right? I just like to play chess with the boys, moving them around as I see fit.

Yes, the title is based on the Disney song, because it's always been one of my favorites and because it fits. Also? Christmas in August? Don't even ask, I don't know. Seriously. I don't know.

I was going to post this when it was completed, but it's not going to be very long (ha, she says now) and when I realized I'd have to break it up on LJ anyway, I decided to just chapter it. So...yeah.

This pairing took me by surprise, and it's so different from what I'm used to writing that I'm not even sure it's any good. Please let me know if you like it-or don't like it, that's fine, too. Because I'm nervous about this one.

Every single word of this fic (and probably all future fics I write) is dedicated to my LJ buddy **kathrynew30** . The words came from me, but the story, ideas, tone, characters, the entire dynamic of this was borne out of conversations between us and how we see this pairing. She is my cheerleader, my sounding board, my squeeing partner, my friend. SHE GETS ME. And I love her way much more than is healthy.

_**XOXOXOX**_

"I can't reach. I hate being short!" With a frustrated groan, Logan throws the ornament down into the box of Christmas decorations at his feet.

"Hey, careful! Don't break that, it's Katie's favorite." James glances at Logan, then takes pity on him. "Here, I'll do it." He grabs the glass ball with Dak Zevon's smiling face on it. "Now where did you want it?" James stretches his arm up, near the treetop.

"No, left. Not that far...back this way...no...too far...James! Listen to my words!"

James shakes his head, caught between amusement and exasperation. "Why don't I lift you up and you can do it yourself?"

"Oh yeah, like I want Carlos to walk in to that vision. I'd never hear the end of it. What's taking them so long anyway?" Logan looks at his watch. "How long does it take to buy a string of lights?"

"Depends on how crowded the store is. And if they can find a set of lights that matches these. _And_ how long it takes Kendall to drag Carlos away from the toys. He's worse than Katie," James adds fondly.

"At least Kendall has Mama K and Katie for backup. So let's try again. Midway between the red and gold ones...a little higher..." Logan steps up behind James, wrapping an arm protectively around his waist to steady him. "Don't fall..."

"I won't, I got it!" But James is squirming suddenly and Logan hears a pop followed by "Crap! OW!" Shards of metallic glass rain down the tree.

Logan steps back in a hurry. "What's wrong? What happened?" James is shaking his right hand up and down. "You _broke_ it? Katie's gonna kill you!"

"Yeah, I'm fine, thanks." James looks at his hand and his eyes grow round. "I'm bleeding! Logan, I'm bleeding!"

"Oh, here we go, big tough hockey guy is still afraid of blood. Quit freaking out and suck on it already!" Logan moves to get the first aid kit, but stops because James is still frozen. "James?"

"I can't, it's blood! Gross!"

"Oh, for the love of...give me that." Logan snatches James by the wrist and shoves the bleeding index finger into his mouth, sucking lightly. "No big deal," he mumbles around the digit, about to add more when he catches the expression on James' face.

His normally golden-gray eyes have darkened to a deep amber and they're no longer round, but almost hooded as they burn into Logan's face. There's a sudden intake of air that Logan would have missed if he wasn't so focused on James' lips, which are parted and pink and..._oh my God, it's not my imagination._

For a few months now Logan has been noticing things about James-looks that seem to smolder when no one else is watching, touches that seem to linger a bit too long, moments when James somehow manages to sit _really_ close. Just when Logan thinks maybe there's something to it, James returns to his usual silly self and Logan decides he was mistaken. It began around the time James helped him ask Camille to the dance. The snark slackened, at least when he was alone with James, and in its place a more gentle, affectionate nature developed until Logan began to think maybe he and James were finally friends. Not just part of the same group or same team or even the same band, but part of a friendship that could stand on its own.

James has always intimidated him somewhat. Logan would never admit that in a million years, not even to Kendall, but James is everything Logan can never be—a gorgeous, popular, confident girl-magnet, amazing in so many ways. He never thought they would have anything in common besides their friends, but the past few months have shown him that there is a side to James he didn't know existed, and it's a side Logan has come to appreciate and welcome on the rare occasions it makes itself known. Logan's wondered if the affection could be called flirting, but dismissed the idea because James flirting with _him_? Would never happen. Even if James was into guys, which Logan doubts, he certainly wouldn't be attracted to Logan.

Or so Logan convinced himself, because to think otherwise was the way to madness. Now James is staring at him in a way that leaves no room for debate—_James is getting hot. For me. Sucking on his finger. _

But what if he's imagining it? What if Logan says something or does something and James laughs it off or even worse, turns it into a "Gotcha!" moment? Logan can't deal with that, he just can't. _Maybe if I..._

Logan returns the heated gaze and swirls his tongue around the fingertip before sliding his lips down to the base. James' eyes fall closed and he groans, actually _groans_, and that's answer enough for Logan, but then James adds to it.

"Logan, fuuuuuck."

_Oh Jesus oh Jesus oh Jesus_. Logan's jeans seem to shrink in a matter of seconds.

There's the sound of jingle bells in the hallway, followed by what can only be Kendall. "HO HO HO!"

Logan jumps back as if struck by lightning, James' hand falling away, and the disappointment on James' face matches what Logan feels in his heart. The mask slips down over James' features again just as the front door opens.

"Have you been good little boys?" Kendall steps into the apartment wearing a Santa hat.

"Them? Never." Carlos appears behind him in a green pointed hat.

"Hey, Carlos, where are your elf ears?" James grins and Logan could almost convince himself that the last two minutes never happened.

"Ha ha, James. I have them right here, they're for you." Carlos throws a package across the room, which James catches deftly. Logan spies elf ears along with the green hat.

"Ugh, I thought we'd never get home. But we got the lights, so if you boys can finish up the top, we can start on the bottom." Mrs. Knight drops a plastic bag on the couch. "I need a bath. Katie, no more candy canes. Put the box away."

"Man!" Katie huffs into the kitchen, sneaking a few canes out of the box.

Logan tries to follow the action, but he keeps hearing that groan over and over in his head.

"Hey."

He manages to look up at Kendall.

"Got you something, too."

He barely catches the tiny package and feels his cheeks go red when he realizes he's holding mistletoe.

"For Camille. Not that you need it with her." Kendall obviously finds her obsession with him hilarious.

"I told you, we're not like that. We're friends now." Logan absently pockets the mistletoe, watching Katie return to the livingroom.

"Not because she wants it that way," Carlos scoffs from his position near the tree, where he and James have started hanging ornaments again.

Logan studies James' hand. "You really should get a Band-Aid on that, James. It might start bleeding again."

James just shrugs without meeting his eyes. "It's fine. Not even bleeding at all."

"Aww, what happened? Did Jamie get a boo-boo?" Carlos grabs James' hand and looks at it. "Here, crybaby." He kisses the small cut. "All better?"

"Loads. Without you, my world crumbles. Now can we finish this up? 'Project Runway' starts in half an hour."

Something hot and bitter curls in Logan's belly and it's a few seconds before he recognizes it as jealousy. Needing a moment to clear his head, Logan heads for the kitchen. Kendall follows. _Of course._

"Hey, I was joking about Camille. You know I like to mess with you."

"I know. It's fine." Why is he so restless? "Want some hot chocolate?"

"Sure. I got you a hat, too. So we can match." Kendall grins, and finally Logan feels his heart returning to normal.

"So James and Carlos are elves, and we're Santa Claus?" Logan busies himself getting mugs and opening packets of powdered chocolate.

"No. You're Mrs. Claus." When Logan shoots him a scandalized glare, Kendall laughs. "Kidding. I got you a Santa hat. You okay?"

"Fine. One packet or two?"

"I'm thinking two. Feeling adventurous tonight." Kendall leans against the counter, arms crossed and trying to look sexy, but the bright red hat kills it.

Logan giggles. "I'd warn Jo, but I can't take you seriously in that hat."

"No? I can do some major damage in this hat."

"Oh, like what? Sit me on your lap and ask if I'm a good boy?"

"No, like...THIS!" Kendall reaches out and attacks Logan's sides with long fingers, making Logan gasp and clutch his stomach.

"Stop it!" He hates that he sounds like a girl when he squeals, but Kendall always wins tickle fights and Logan doesn't stand a chance.

"Taking me seriously now, Logie? Huh?"

"STOP!" Logan tries to catch his breath and doubles over, shoving Kendall away. He's still giggling when he stands up and catches James watching them with an odd look on his face. It's almost like when Carlos watches the Jennifers walk by. Logan's laugh dies abruptly, but before he can say anything or even _think_ of something to say, James has turned away and is listening to Carlos talk about the weird lady who rang them up at the store.

_Not my imagination. No fucking way._

"HEY! What happened to Dak?"

"Uh oh." Logan takes one look at Katie and runs for cover.

_**XOXOXOX**_

It takes Logan much longer than usual to fall asleep that night. Normally he's able to do multiplication tables in his head until sleep claims him, but tonight his mind is crowded with James. The way his lips looked as they parted, with just a hint of pink tongue under a flash of white teeth. The sound of him gasping softly when their eyes met. The groan, followed by the way James drew out "fuck" like he was...well, being fucked.

What does it all mean?

_It means I'm thinking about James in a way I shouldn't be. This is James. JAMES. He throws a hissy fit when someone touches his hair, for God's sake. What in the world am I thinking?_

But Logan can't deny that he's been thinking it for some time now. James started it with his glances and touches and that _laugh_, and when did his laugh become so sexy? Probably when it stopped being aimed at Logan. When was the last time James made fun of him anyway?

_But what does it mean? James can't possibly be thinking of me the same way. I'm not even good-looking. I'm a nerd. I'm everything he strives not to be._

Logan turns over in bed with a huge sigh.

"Want to talk about it?"

_Kendall. _"What?"

"You're tossing and turning. Want to talk about whatever's bothering you?"

"No."

"Come on, Logan. You've been antsy all night. You know you'll feel better if you just let it out."

Logan turns over onto his other side, facing Kendall across the room. "I'm just working through some stuff. When I'm ready to talk about it, I will."

"Okay." Kendall rolls over onto his back in a long stretch. "I'm here if you need me. You can tell me anything. I'll keep it between us."

"I know. Thanks."

Would Kendall understand this? Even want to _know_ about it? For the first time, Logan feels a gulf between himself and everyone else, like he's on an island without a raft.

_What does it all mean?_


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Notes:** Anyone reading this knows that Nickelodeon owns the rights to Big Time Rush, right? I just like to play chess with the boys, moving them around as I see fit.

Yes, the title is based on the Disney song, because it's always been one of my favorites and because it fits. Also? Christmas in August? Don't even ask, I don't know. Seriously. I don't know.

I was going to post this when it was completed, but it's not going to be very long (ha, she says now) and when I realized I'd have to break it up on LJ anyway, I decided to just chapter it. So...yeah.

This pairing took me by surprise, and it's so different from what I'm used to writing that I'm not even sure it's any good. Please let me know if you like it-or don't like it, that's fine, too. Because I'm nervous about this one.

Every single word of this fic (and probably all future fics I write) is dedicated to my LJ buddy **kathrynew30** . The words came from me, but the story, ideas, tone, characters, the entire dynamic of this was borne out of conversations between us and how we see this pairing. She is my cheerleader, my sounding board, my squeeing partner, my friend. SHE GETS ME. And I love her way much more than is healthy.

* * *

Exhausted after a rigorous dance rehearsal, Logan turns the knob to enter 2J. Mr. X worked with him solo for three straight hours but it paid off; both the dancing god and Gustavo were pleased when they finally sent Logan home to collapse. He's greeted by the aroma of food, and it makes his stomach grumble loudly.

_Thank God for Mama K. I'm starving._

Dropping his duffel bag on the couch, he spins around to say hello to Mrs. Knight and his eyes widen at the calamity unfolding before him.

It's not Mrs. Knight in the kitchen but James, and he's wearing a hideously ruffled white apron covered in hot pink lips over jeans and a black tank top. His hair is plastered to his head with sweat and somehow he's managed to get red spots all over his face. The stove is buried under pans of every size but only one appears to be in use, and Logan sees instantly where the red spatter is coming from.

"What are you _doing_?" Logan rushes around the counter and opens a cabinet, pulling out a lid and settling it over the bubbling pot of...sauce?

"Cooking dinner, what does it look like I'm doing?" James has never sounded more out of his element.

"What? Why would you do that?" Logan wets a dishtowel and uses it to wipe the stains off James' face as if he's a toddler.

"I just wanted to do something nice and I thought spaghetti would be easy and I think I burned the sauce and now the noodles won't fit in the pan and-"

"Hey. Hey, easy. It's no big deal, calm down." Logan wouldn't be surprised if actual tears popped into James' eyes at this point. "We can fix this." He studies James' face and nods, satisfied. "Okay. Let's start by turning off the burner and seeing what we're working with."

James steps back, letting Logan take over. Logan clears away all the unused pans, leaving only the pan with sauce. "Where's the pasta?"

"In the sink." James looks so defeated, arms crossed over his chest and pouting as he leans against the counter behind Logan.

"This is gonna be great, James. Don't worry." Logan's eyes narrow when he spies approximately three pounds of spaghetti in a large pot of water. The ends are sticking out. "Um...did you boil the water already?"

"No."

"Okay. We gotta do that first." _This really shouldn't be so adorable. This is one of those moments where I should be exasperated with James but all I want to do is pinch his cheek and tell him how cute he is. _Logan washes his hands before reaching into the pan to break the noodles in half. "Might as well leave them in here, they're already wet." He lifts the heavy pot onto the stove and sets the flame on high. "Alright, the sauce. What's in it?"

James shrugs. "I don't know. Whatever comes in the jar."

_How can you manage to mess up pasta and sauce from a jar? _This is another of those things he would have said out loud two months ago, but now he keeps it to himself because he can't bear to see James any more dejected than he already is. "So _why_ are you making dinner again?"

"Because. Mama Knight was saying she's tired of having to do everything and I thought she'd like a night off from dinner."

"That's not what she said, she said she was tired last night because she cleaned Katie's room. Even the maid won't go in there." Logan stirs the sauce, which is a little scorched on the bottom but not inedible.

"Still, I thought it would be nice."

"So why didn't you ask for help, James? You know we would've..." Logan trails off, envisioning Carlos attempting to help cook while Kendall calls out instructions like hockey plays. "Okay, I know why. Never mind. But you could've asked _me_."

"You were busy."

Logan spins around to get something from the cupboard and James is right where he needs to be. "Excuse me," he says while reaching around James.

James scoots to the side some, and Logan leans into him while grabbing for stewed tomatoes. Even covered in sauce, James smells good. "You still wearing 'Cuda products?"

"Maybe."

"Definitely." Logan rolls his eyes, not moving away just yet. "I thought you learned your lesson when your hands swelled up."

"That was a bad batch. They've reformulated the ingredients to ensure our safety at all costs."

"Mmm. Straight from the commercial, I assume." Logan finally steps back a bit, noting that James immediately squirms and adjusts the apron. "Well, it certainly smells nice." He reaches around James' waist to find the can opener, leaning into him again, and hears it. The tiny gasp, right above his head. If he looks up right now, will he see that look in James' eyes again? He purposely slides his hip across the front of the apron and then James is _gone_. He's across the kitchen in two seconds and Logan focuses on opening the can of tomatoes, giving him time to recover. Because that _definitely_ wasn't his imagination, and if Logan was more sure of his own feelings he would address the situation.

Instead he dumps the contents into the pan and passes James the empty can. "Trash, please." Once James seems to have relaxed he says, "I think it's cool that you wanted to do something nice for Mama K."

"Yeah? I mean, she does everything for us."

"Exactly. She's going to appreciate this, and I'll make sure she knows it was your idea. Can you stir the pasta for me?" Logan is busy stirring the sauce when James steps up with a large spoon and moves it around the pasta. "Perfect. Thanks." He smiles up at James, who is just so pleased with himself, and again has to refrain from pinching James' cheek.

"Thanks, dude. I don't know what would've happened if you hadn't come home when you did."

"I shudder to think." Logan bumps hips with James, who laughs and nods ruefully. "See? We fixed it. But next time, ask if you need help."

"Um...thanks for not making fun of me. The other guys would've."

_A few months ago, I would have, too._ "Yeah, probably. They don't have to know about this."

"Cool. Maybe we should do this more often, like once a week. Team up and give Mama Knight a break." It's obvious that James is expecting Logan to shoot down the idea.

"Hmm. We should." He grins up at James, whose eyes light up in surprise, and feels his heart expand in his chest.

_Not my imagination. Something definitely going on here._


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Notes:** Anyone reading this knows that Nickelodeon owns the rights to Big Time Rush, right? I just like to play chess with the boys, moving them around as I see fit.

Yes, the title is based on the Disney song, because it's always been one of my favorites and because it fits. Also? Christmas in August? Don't even ask, I don't know. Seriously. I don't know.

I was going to post this when it was completed, but it's not going to be very long (ha, she says now) and when I realized I'd have to break it up on LJ anyway, I decided to just chapter it. So...yeah.

This pairing took me by surprise, and it's so different from what I'm used to writing that I'm not even sure it's any good. Please let me know if you like it-or don't like it, that's fine, too. Because I'm nervous about this one.

Every single word of this fic (and probably all future fics I write) is dedicated to my best friend **kathrynew30** . The words came from me, but the story, ideas, tone, characters, the entire dynamic of this was borne out of conversations between us and how we see this pairing. She is my cheerleader, my sounding board, my squeeing partner, my friend. SHE GETS ME. And I love her way much more than is healthy.

* * *

"Stupid...come on...okay, stay...urrrrgh, why won't you stand up already?"

James is walking by the bathroom when he hears Logan and peeks in. The sink is on and Logan seems to be running a wet comb through his hair, trying to make it...well, James isn't sure what he's trying to do. "What are you _doing_?"

Logan huffs and throws down the comb, frustrated. "My hair won't spike. I want it to spike!"

"And you didn't ask me for help? Really? I thought we had this conversation already." James leans in and turns off the water.

"No, I told _you_ to ask _me_ for help."

"Well, it works both ways, genius."

Logan turns to glare at him, but realizes soon James is only teasing, so he doesn't take offense. "Um...help?" he asks in a tiny voice.

"Move over." James picks up a bottle of green goo. "What is this?"

"It's hair gel. I borrowed it from Mama K."

"That was your first mistake. Wash that crap out of your hair."

"What? Now?"

"Yes, now. Off with the shirt." James bends down to reach for something hidden in a deep, dark corner of the cabinet under the sink. Logan hasn't moved by the time he stands up again with a tall black canister in his hand. "Now."

"Okay! What's that?"

James starts at the bottom, unbuttoning the shirt as Logan starts at the top so that they meet halfway. "The good stuff. It's mousse, and it works wonders on unmanageable hair. It will make yours even softer and more gorgeous."

_Gorgeous? Really?_ "Pants too?"

James opens his mouth, closes it again, and then finally responds with, "No, you can just use the showerhead. Go rinse that crap out. And use shampoo."

"But I already washed my hair in the-"

"Who's got shiny, luxurious hair? Me. Who's in charge here? That's right—me." James steps around Logan and turns on the shower. "Now wash. I'm gonna go get my hair dryer."

Logan has rinsed his hair and is reaching for the shampoo, leaning into the shower, when he hears James come up behind him again. "No, not that. Use shampoo."

"This _is_ shampoo."

"No, that's _crap_. Here, use mine." James passes him another black bottle.

"Wait. Is this another 'Cuda product?" Logan squints, trying to read it through the water in his eyes.

"It's fine. I've been using it for years."

"James, maybe you've built up an immunity to it. I'm not sure-"

"Must I do everything around here?"

But James is enjoying himself, Logan hears it in the tone of his voice, and he smiles. He hears the squirt of the bottle and then James' hands are in his hair, rubbing shampoo in and massaging and it feels...nice. _Really_ nice. James has magic hands. Logan sighs and lets James have his way with the "soft and gorgeous" locks.

"Well well well, what have we got here?"

Logan turns his head slightly to peek at Kendall in the doorway. "James is making me look good for my date with Camille."

The magic fingers stop moving, but James says nothing.

"You have a date with Camille?" Kendall asks in surprise.

"It's a fake date. Her dad wants her to come home again, so she told him she has a boyfriend she doesn't want to leave behind. And then begged me to pretend to be her boyfriend."

Kendall snorts. "And you fell for that?"

The fingers are moving again, and James says softly, "Lean in, I'm gonna rinse."

Logan feels warm water over his head as the shampoo drains away. "Oh no. You don't think it's a trick, do you?" Why didn't he think of that?

"I don't know, but I wouldn't doubt it."

James turns off the water and reaches for a towel, still not contributing to the conversation. Kendall grabs the towel first and heads for Logan, but James snatches it out of his grip. "Dude. I've got this! It's under control."

The sudden change in James' demeanor causes Kendall to back away, hands up. "Dude. Just trying to help."

"This is my domain. Why don't you go play some hockey or something?" James gently rubs Logan's hair with the towel, not looking at Kendall.

Logan steals a glance at Kendall, who smirks and gives Logan an "Oh really?" expression. Logan shrugs as if to say "What are ya gonna do?"

"Have fun on your non-date tonight." Kendall smirks and disappears.

Logan can actually hear the breath James lets out. "Do _you_ think it's a trick?"

"I don't know. It could be." James tosses the towel onto the floor before positioning Logan in front of the sink, then lifting him up to sit on it.

"I could've done that myself."

"I know." James winks at him, and Logan grins. He spreads his legs open for James to come close enough to work with his hair.

"So the mousse is 'Cuda, too?"

"Yes. I promise, you'll be fine." A puddle of white foam is squirted onto James' palm and then those fingers are in Logan's hair again. He's tempted to close his eyes but watching James so focused on something is kind of hot, maybe because it's so rare. "Do _you_ think it's a trick?" James asks.

"I hope not. But Camille knows, I mean we've talked about it and she knows I'm not into her that way. We tried it but...I don't know. Something was missing. I think I've become the unattainable guy for her, and I'm safe."

"That's different." James uses his fingers again to shape Logan's hair a bit. "So you're not into her like that? At all?

"No. Sometimes I wish I could be. Because she wants it so bad. But she deserves better. Wait, why? Are you into her?" The thought does not sit well with Logan.

"Me? No way. Told you before, she's not my type. Hold on to me."

"What?"

"Hold onto my shoulders so I don't tip you back." Before Logan knows it, James' arms are around his waist and instinctively his legs wrap around James. He hears the water turn on behind him and realizes James is washing his hands.

"Dude. Warn a guy."

"I did." The corner of James' mouth quirks up as he meets Logan's gaze. "Nice grip."

_He's not running away. This is new._ "Thought I was gonna fall."

"I wouldn't let you," James responds in a soft, husky voice.

_He's gonna kiss me. Oh my God, I know that look, I've seen it in a hundred movies._ Logan licks his lips and leans in, ready to be swallowed by that gaze, and then he feels a cold wetness against his back. "Shit!" He hops forward, causing James to stumble and fall back against the door, but James catches him before he can go down.

"What happened?"

"I got wet."

"Oh. Sorry." James hurries to shut off the faucet.

Logan looks over his shoulder to inspect the damage in the mirror. "It's not that bad, it just scared me. It'll dry quick."

"Good. Okay, let's use some hot air before the mousse dries."

And just like that, the moment is gone and Logan wants to cry. Why won't fate let them take that next step?

He looks down while James is using both the hair dryer and a comb (not Logan's, but his own Lucky Comb, and how special does Logan feel?) to style his hair into spiky awesomeness. Logan can't help but notice that James' black t-shirt keeps riding up to reveal a strip of smooth, tanned skin above the waistline of his jeans and after a full minute, the urge to touch it becomes irresistible. He slides two fingers across the skin slowly, feeling the muscles move under his fingertips.

James drops the dryer. "Shit!"

Logan immediately feels guilty. "Sorry. Couldn't resist."

James smiles and says softly, "Dude. Warn a guy."

Logan grins up at James_. Yes! The moment is back! _It doesn't matter that the dryer's still humming on the floor or that the bathroom door is wide open, all that matters is not missing this opportunity again. Logan leans forward for the kiss he knows is coming. James leans in to meet him halfway.

"Wow! Check you out, dude! You look good!"

_Jesus! Really, Carlos? NOW? Way to ruin the moment. _

James steps away to grab the hair dryer and pick up the towel on the floor. Logan is ready to scream. "Do I? I haven't even had a chance to see myself!" _Calm down, he doesn't know, he didn't mean to interrupt the most incredible moment of your life._ Logan spins around to look in the mirror and wow, Carlos wasn't kidding. He really does look pretty good. "James did this. Isn't he amazing?" Logan catches James' eyes in the mirror and smiles.

James smiles in return, nodding. "You really do look good, Logan."

"Thanks to you."

"I heard you have a date with Camille, is it true?"

"No, Carlos, it's a fake date."

James picks up Logan's shirt and holds it out to him, then snatches it back just before Logan can grab it. "You're not wearing this. That hair is too good for this shirt."

"I think that might be the most ridiculous thing you've ever said. But what did you have in mind?"

James studies Logan, raking his eyes from head to toe and back up again until Logan feels molested—and wanting more. "Red. You look good in red."

"I do?"

"Oh, I know! How about that new shirt you bought last week, James? I'll go get it!"

Carlos runs off, leaving them in an awkward silence. Logan picks his brain for something to say, _anything_ to say, and finally settles on, "Um...thanks. For helping me."

"You look amazing. And the red is gonna make you hotter than usual."

Logan's right eyebrow shoots up. "Usual?"

"Mm-hm. You can be a sexy little thing when you want to be, Logie."

_Oh, just kiss me now. KISS ME._

"Here you go! Might be a little long in the arms."

"We can fix that. Come here, Logan." James whips the shirt around Logan's shoulders and helps him into it, Carlos watching in excitement. "Dude, don't pee your pants."

"It's so cool to see Logan all dressed up! You better watch out, Camille's gonna be a tiger."

"Kill me now. Maybe I shouldn't go..."

"Logan. Look at me." James is buttoning up the shirt as he searches Logan's eyes. "You'll be fine. She wouldn't risk losing you as a friend, that much I know. Okay?"

"Okay."

"And if I'm wrong, you have my number. I'll rescue you from the tigress if I need to."

Logan grins up at him. "Deal."

"The door! Pizza's here!" Carlos rushes off again.

"Now we just button up the cuffs here...and here..." James steps back and nods slowly, impressed. "Nice."

"Yeah?"

"Oh yeah."

Logan swallows hard. James put so much effort into getting him all dressed up and now all he wants to do is rip Logan's clothing to shreds—that gaze cannot be mistaken for anything but unbridled lust.

"Logan? Are you ready?"

It's almost impossible to tear his eyes away from James but he does when it penetrates that it's Camille's voice calling to him. "What? Oh. Hey. Yeah."

"Wow, look at you! Hotness!" Camille is obviously pleased, spinning Logan around for a better look. "Daddy's gonna eat you up!"

"Um...I'm not sure I like the sound of that."

"Camille." When she looks his way, James continues. "This is a pretend date, right? Your dad really is coming and you really have to convince him that Logan's your boyfriend in order for you to stay?"

"Of course! Oh, you're worried I'm using it as an excuse. Well, I can't say the thought never crossed my mind, but...it's okay, Logan. You're safe. I've accepted that there are...other fish in the sea for you." With a last grin at James, Camille pulls Logan out of the bathroom. "Come on! We're gonna be late! And don't worry, James. I'll have him home before midnight."

"See ya, James." Logan lifts a hand in farewell.

"Later."

And there it is again, that Carlos-watching-the-Jennifers look. It's...wistful. Yearning.

Logan wonders if his expression matches James'; he decides it probably does, and for the first time he's completely okay with that.

* * *

It's a relief to return to the Palm Woods, although the dinner went well; other than a few conspicuous kisses for the benefit of Camille's father, Camille behaved like a perfect gentleman. Logan allowed the PDA and even got into the act a bit because as annoying as Camille's adoration is at times, she has proven to be the best female friend he's ever had and he can't imagine losing her.

"Hey, what's your hurry? It's a nice night, let's sit by the pool and chat." Camille grabs Logan's arm and pulls him toward a table.

"I'm kind of tired," Logan whines, but as usual he gives in because it's so much easier than trying to win. Camille is like Kendall in the way that she doesn't back down.

After pushing him into a chair, Camille sits across from him. "So. James. Let's talk about James."

Logan swallows hard, unable to meet her gaze. "James?" His voice cracks on the simple word.

A delighted grin stretches across Camille's lips as she leans forward across the table. "Ohhhh, I knew it! Logan, you have to tell me everything!"

"There's nothing...to tell!" He is so bad at this, so horrible at lying to Camille especially, that immediately after that he concedes, "Not really."

"So? Come on, have you guys kissed yet?"

"Camille!" Logan hisses and looks around, but the pool area is deserted. "Nothing's happened, okay? We just...we almost..." Logan trails off with a sigh, rubbing his hands over his face. He hasn't even worked through all this himself but Camille expects him to explain it to her?

"So what's the problem? The way he was looking at you tonight, there's no question he's into you. And you feel the same, I could tell by the way you kept looking at your phone during dinner."

"What? I was looking at the time."

"Right. And you didn't start doing that until after he called to make sure everything was going okay. And your face totally lit up when you saw who was calling. And your voice got all-"

"Camille! Okay! Stop!" Logan glances around again, knowing he's being ridiculous, but damn Camille, she _always_ makes him feel like the whole world is listening.

"Look. I want to see you happy. And you won't be without a little push, so that's my job as your friend. So what's the problem?"

"It's just...at first I wasn't sure. I thought I was imagining everything, the way he looked at me, the way he touched me, but last week...and then tonight...I'm pretty sure now. He feels the same way. But every time we get close, something stops it. No, some_body_ stops it. Kendall or Carlos or Katie or...it's like it's not meant to be. What if it's not? What if it's all a big mistake?"

"Two people in love is never a mistake."

"I don't know if it's love. I've never felt that. But I'm definitely falling for him. Big time. And wipe that smile off your face because I used that term long before moving out here."

Camille laughs. "I'm just saying, Logan, you won't know until you try."

"I _have_ tried. Sort of. We almost kissed today. _Twice_. And then stuff happened and ruined the moment. Like Carlos. He has the worst timing!"

"What you need is a date."

"A date?"

"Yes. A daaaate. You know what that is, right?"

"What, like I'm supposed to ask him out? 'Hey James, want to go out for dinner and a movie?'"

"Why not?"

"Because! You don't know what it's like to be part of a group. We all do stuff together."

"No, you don't. You and Kendall go places alone all the time. And so do James and Carlos."

"That's different."

"Yeah, maybe, but Carlos and Kendall don't know that. So the two of you take off for a night. You're a genius, you can figure out a valid reason for it."

Why does Camille always make everything sound so easy? _It's not._

Is it? "So a date?"

"A date. Get him away from everyone else."

"You think it'll work?"

"Logan, he's not gonna turn you down. Not after the way he was looking at you in that bathroom."

Heat crowds into Logan's cheeks. "He said I looked good."

"You do. _Really_ good."

"But _he_ said it."

"Ask. Him. Ouuuuuut."

A deep, fortifying breath, and then Logan sighs and nods. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah. Okay. I'm gonna do it."

"Yay! Come on, loverboy!" Camille pulls him up and tugs on him again to get him moving.

"What? Not right NOW. He's probably asleep!"

"No, he's not. He's awake and waiting to make sure you get home okay. Trust me."

"Maybe." But Logan knows without a doubt that Camille's right.

When Logan steps into the apartment it isn't James he sees but Kendall, who is sitting on the couch watching TV. Kendall tips his head back to greet Logan. "Hey, how'd it go?"

Two other heads pop up from in front of the couch. Apparently Carlos was lying down with his feet on Kendall's lap. James must have been on the floor. His hair is slightly mussed and he looks like he hasn't slept in days. Which is odd, because earlier he seemed fine.

"Good. Great. She's staying." Logan stands behind the couch trying to figure out how to approach James and get him alone. _Maybe this is a bad idea._

"So, did she jump you or what?" Carlos is bouncing up and down.

"Dude, watch it. Your feet are dangerously close to the jewels here."

"Oh! Sorry, man." Carlos curls his feet under him and returns his attention to Logan.

"She was fine. Kissed me a few times, but it was all for show." James' eyes are burning into him so hard Logan is afraid to look at him in fear of melting from the intensity.

"Carlitos, come with me to get a soda from the vending machine." Kendall stands up and stretches.

"Out there? Why don't you just take one from the fridge?"

"Because _somebody _pounded the last one for his belching contest with Katie."

"Oh. Right. But let's hurry before the movie comes back on."

"It's a DVD, dorkus. We can rewind it."

"Whatever. Just hurry, I don't like going out in the dark."

"We won't be in the dark! We're just going down to the lobby, Carlos!"

"Still, ever since that ghost thing-"

"There was no ghost! It was Stephanie-"

"I know, but what if-"

The slam of the door cuts off the rest of the ridiculous conversation and Logan finally feels it's safe to look at James. "Hey," he says softly.

"Hey," James answers in an even softer tone. "How'd it go?"

"Fine. Thanks for calling."

"I was worried."

Logan nods, his stomach in knots, feeling the pressure of time being short. Time is always short between them. "Friday-are-you-busy-because-I-was-thinking-maybe-we-could-"

"Yes."

Logan blinks in surprise. "Yes?"

"Yes. Whatever you're about to say...yes. I'd love to."

His heart is a jackhammer in his chest. "I didn't even tell you where-"

"Doesn't matter." James feels the pressure, too—the other two will be back any second. "Just let me know what time to be ready. And what to wear."

Words have left him. Logan can only nod as the air thickens and the room closes in on him.

"It was Buddha Bob."

"Nuh-uh! I know what he looks like, Kendork, and it wasn't him."

"Don't call me that, you know I hate it when you call me that."

"Kendork!"

"Shut up."

"Kendork Kendork Kendork!"

"That's it, I'm not finishing the movie with you."

"Aww, come on! I'm sorry!"

Logan finally looks away from James with a tiny smile. "Night, guys."

"You're not gonna watch the movie with us?" Kendall studies Logan with a tilt of his head.

"Nah. Tired. Night."

A chorus of "goodnights" is the response, but it's James' voice he hears as he turns into his bedroom and James' smile he sees after laying his head on the pillow.

_I'm falling in love. I'm so screwed._


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Notes:** Anyone reading this knows that Nickelodeon owns the rights to Big Time Rush, right? I just like to play chess with the boys, moving them around as I see fit.

Yes, the title is based on the Disney song, because it's always been one of my favorites and because it fits. Also? Christmas in August? Don't even ask, I don't know. Seriously. I don't know.

I was going to post this when it was completed, but it's not going to be very long (ha, she says now) and when I realized I'd have to break it up on LJ anyway, I decided to just chapter it. So...yeah.

This pairing took me by surprise, and it's so different from what I'm used to writing that I'm not even sure it's any good. Please let me know if you like it-or don't like it, that's fine, too. Because I'm nervous about this one.

Every single word of this fic (and probably all future fics I write) is dedicated to **kathrynew30** . The words came from me, but the story, ideas, tone, characters, the entire dynamic of this was borne out of conversations between us and how we see this pairing. She is my cheerleader, my sounding board, my squeeing partner, my friend. SHE GETS ME. And I love her way much more than is healthy.

* * *

"How come I can't go? It's not fair!"

"Carlos, we've been through this. I'm taking James out to thank him for helping me with my date the other night." Logan is pacing around the living room, more nervous than he would have imagined possible. He's wearing a new pair of jeans and a simple t-shirt—red, because James seems to like him in red.

"But I wanna go to the observatory too!"

"Will you keep it down?" Logan glances toward the bathroom, where James is doing..._something_ to his hair. Whatever it might be, Logan knows he will look incredible when he emerges. "It's a surprise, okay? I don't want him to know where I'm taking him."

"But that's stupid, Logan. What would _James_ care about a bunch of stars in the sky?"

Logan frowns while looking over at Carlos, who is sitting on the arm of the couch while sulking. That is Logan's fear as well, and why does Carlos have to hit it right on the head? Like Logan's not worried enough about this date. "And _that_, Carlos, is why you're not invited. It's so much more than 'a bunch of stars in the sky.'"

"Kelly told me they have a laser show, too. Are you gonna see that?"

"Maybe." In fact, he knows for sure that they are. A dark room with music drowning out all talk while they lean back against headrests? Oh yeah. Logan's hoping it'll be romantic. He's always found observatories to be romantic anyway; something about being in a place where you can't help but realize how tiny you are in comparison to the galaxy and that life is short...it leaves him feeling wistful and daring to take risks he wouldn't otherwise take. Hopefully James will experience similar emotions.

"You ARE! Come on, Logan, let me and Kendall go! We want to go!"

"Speak for yourself." Kendall has appeared out of nowhere. Logan watches him collapse onto the couch, looking bruised, swollen, and utterly wiped out.

"What happened to you?" Logan asks, stopping his pacing long enough to stare down at Kendall.

"Jo." He winces as he lays an arm over his forehead.

"Judo?"

"Yep. I need to find a new girlfriend."

Carlos grins before taking a flying leap to land on Kendall.

"AGH! DUDE!"

"Carlos!" Logan tries to pull him off, but Kendall holds up a hand.

"It's okay."

"No, it isn't! You're in pain!"

"Not really." Kendall smirks at Carlos, who is now sitting on his legs. "Yes, I would love a massage. Just be more gentle this time."

Logan blinks. Massage? Okay, this whole James thing is making him read way too much into everything. "James, you almost ready?" he calls out.

"In a minute! A dude's gotta have great hair when he goes...wherever it is you're taking me!"

"I hope he isn't disappointed," Logan says quietly to Kendall, who is lying on his back with eyes closed while Carlos rubs his legs.

"He won't be. Trust me. It's rom...AGH! Dude, I told you!" Kendall's eyes fly open.

"Sorry. You have a huge bruise right there, man. And Kendall, I wanna go with them to the observatory. Please?"

Logan clucks his tongue. "Like it's his decision? No, it's mine. You're staying home."

"Let it go, Carlos." Kendall sighs and turns over, burying his head in the cushion. "Okay, go. Not too rough."

Logan senses James before he sees him. He looks to his right and all the air leaves his lungs.

"Is this okay? You said casual, but I wasn't sure..."

James is also wearing jeans, but the similarities stop there. He's wearing a white tank under a gray long-sleeved shirt that is open to the waist and tucked into the denim pants. His hair is different, and it's a moment before Logan realizes his bangs are swept back off his forehead.

_You're trying to kill me. James, you're trying to _kill _me here._

Kendall's head pops up and he whistles before grinning. "Nice."

"Quit moving, dude." And then to James, "Can I go with you guys? Please?"

"Carlos! I said no! Drop it!"

James shakes his head. "Sorry dude, I don't even know where we're going."

"I do! You're going-"

"CARLOS!" Both Logan and Kendall shut him up.

"Fine. Kendall, quit looking up."

The front door opens and Katie breezes in with Mrs. Knight. "Hi boys. James, you look so handsome! Date tonight?"

Logan and James share a panicked look before Kendall can answer. "He and Logan are going out. Logan wants to thank James for helping him out."

"Oh, that's sweet. Going anywhere special?"

"I have no idea." James notes Katie studying him. "What?" he asks.

She finally nods. "You look nice."

He smiles. "Thanks. Ready, Logan?"

"Uh...yeah. You sure you don't mind me taking the car, Mrs. Knight?"

"No, not at all. I didn't know James would be with you, but as long as he doesn't distract you while you're driving, you'll be fine. Got it, James? I don't want to hear that Logan crashed because you were yelling at him to look over there or check out those hot girls in the next car."

Kendall snorts into the couch. Logan glares at him.

"We'll be fine. Thanks, Mama Knight." James gives her a hug before gesturing for Logan to follow him to the door.

"Where are you guys going, anyway?" Katie asks.

Carlos opens his mouth but Kendall pushes his body up, causing Carlos to fall off him and onto the floor.

"Dude!"

"Oops."

"Bye!" Logan grabs James by the arm and rushes him to the door, breathing out a sigh of relief once it closes behind them.

* * *

Ten minutes later they're cruising down Sunset Boulevard. Maybe it's because he's afraid of distracting Logan, who's only had his license for two months, but James has spent the drive looking out the window in silence. Or maybe he's just enjoying the sights. Either way, the quiet is getting to Logan. "Did you see Carlos smack into the wall at rehearsal today?"

James laughs. "Yeah. Nothing new there, but it's always funny. He looks so dazed afterward."

"I know. And Kendall was trying to hold him up because he kept falling over."

"Hey, Logan? Would you mind if we don't talk about them or the band? We never have time alone and I was kind of looking forward to a break from it all."

Now James is looking at him and Logan glances over with a tight smile. "Sure." And then they're back to silence and James looking out the window. _What was I thinking? We have nothing in common. This is going to be a disaster and he's never gonna want to spend time with me again because I'm so boring and an observatory? Really? What was I thinking? _

James comes to the rescue, though. _Finally_. "Are we just cruising Sunset? Not that I'm complaining, it doesn't matter where we go or what we do."

_I'm gonna throw up. I've known him almost all my life and suddenly being around him makes me so nervous I want to throw up._ Logan pastes a smile across his face. "No, there's an actual destination. I promise." The sound of snickering causes him to look over at James for a moment. "What?"

"Dude, relax. You're holding onto the steering wheel like it's gonna fly off. You're doing fine."

Logan can't help but smile a little because James is right. Hands are on ten and two and he's sitting up so straight there might as well be a length of plywood between him and the seat. "I'm nervous."

"I know, but you shouldn't be. You're a good driver. Just calm down. Enjoy the moment."

When did James learn to talk in that soft, sexy voice? No wonder the chicks are always after him. Logan forces himself to take a deep breath and let it out slowly, feeling some of the tension escape with the air. He lowers his right hand, laying his arm over the console between them, and immediately James' arm moves to occupy the same space. Fingers brush the back of Logan's hand before settling lightly over it. Instead of making Logan more nervous, it soothes him, and he lifts his own fingers to link with James' as he makes a left onto Los Feliz Blvd.

"Logan? Are you taking me to the Observatory?"

_Oh God. Here it comes._ "Maybe?"

"That is so cool!"

James is grinning, honestly excited, and Logan feels his entire body unwind. "Really? You're okay with that?"

"Yeah! It's such a _you_ thing to do. I love it!"

"You won't be bored? I mean, there's exhibits and a telescope and an amazing view of L.A. and Kelly said there's also a laser show that's pretty neat."

"How could I be bored listening to you talk about stars?"

Logan laughs a bit self-consciously. "Please. How can you not? You know how carried away I get when I start talking about astronomy."

"Or biology. Or math. Or even the English language. But dude, it's awesome. You're so freaking smart. I mean, half of what you say goes over my head, but I love to listen to you because you get so excited and you get this gleam in your eyes and I just...love your brain. I wish I could be smart like that."

"You do?" Logan risks a glance at James even though the road is winding and requires his attention. "Why? You've got everything else going for you."

"Psshh. Looks. Style. It's what's gonna get me famous, but without you guys it gets me nowhere. I wouldn't have made it out here without you."

"Kendall got you out here."

"Who got me to that audition?"

"Kendall."

"No, you did. You drove, remember? And I know you were terrified; it meant a lot to me that you were willing to do that just so I could have a shot at my dream."

"It wasn't that big a deal." James is complimenting him and it's...not something that happens often. At least it never did before. "So can I ask you something?"

James squeezes his fingers. "Of course."

"You're a lot smarter than most people realize. How come you act dumb around everybody else?"

"I don't."

"Yeah, you do. I see it when you talk to Kendall mostly, you have great ideas and your mind works like a steel trap sometimes. But outside the apartment, you're all about The Face and your hair and your image. Why is that?"

"I don't know. I guess...well, I'm more comfortable around you guys. If I say something stupid, you might laugh but you'll still love me. So I'm not afraid to say things that might come out sounding dumber than I thought they would."

"But what you say around us doesn't sound dumb. Not usually, anyway." Logan squeezes James' hand to take the sting out of his words. "Why are you afraid to let people know you have a brain?"

"Well, take Gustavo for example. He doesn't want to produce guys who think for themselves. He wants dogs he can train. And that's how most of Hollywood is, Logan. If you think too much, you'll ruin your chances."

"I guess." Still not completely convinced, Logan shrugs. "I like it when you're just...you. Like this."

Rounding the last curve before coming to the crest of the hill, Logan almost crashes the car when he feels lips on his cheek. He turns wide eyes on James, who giggles.

"Dude, pay attention. I didn't even ask you to check out the hot chicks in the next car, so you can't use that as an excuse."

"Shut up." But Logan can't stop grinning, even when he has to disentangle their fingers to park the car. This night might just turn out okay after all.

* * *

They wander the halls and check out the exhibits but pass on the telescope; the line is long and it's almost time to head for the Planetarium anyway. Logan figures they have just enough time to take in the view from the terrace before the show and leads James to the back of the building.

"Wow. Look at all those lights. Never see anything like that back home."

"Nope." Logan stands in front of James, hands on the short wall before him as they absorb the beauty of Los Angeles at night. "I still can't believe we're here. In Hollywood, I mean."

"Yeah. Sometimes it seems like a dream. I keep thinking it's gonna end any second, that Griffin's gonna kill the contract and send us home."

"I know. It would be weird to go home again."

"Yeah."

Logan feels long arms slide around his waist and leans back into the strength that is James Diamond—so much more than a pretty face and washboard abs. He's not self-conscious because he noted the lack of other people when they emerged onto the terrace. He wraps his arms around James'. "Can we just stay here all night?" James is warm and smells so good and how is it possible that he finds Logan interesting at all?

A rumble of laughter answers him. "Sounds good to me." James presses his lips to Logan's hair.

_We need to talk about this._ But he's unwilling to break the mood because how often they do get to just _be_ together like this? "I meant to tell you, you look incredible tonight." He can feel James smile above him.

"Thanks. I wasn't sure if you'd like this hair. I just wanted something a little...different."

Logan nods. "Different is good. Though I like the normal look as well." He hears James swallow behind his head.

"When are we gonna cook dinner again?"

"I don't know. I think Mama's gonna be out Wednesday afternoon, we can do it then."

"That's too far away. It's only Friday."

"You know...if you're just wanting an excuse to spend time together, we can do our Christmas shopping tomorrow."

"Carlos and Kendall will want to come."

"Not if we're shopping _for_ Carlos and Kendall."

James grins his appreciation. "Nice. I love the way your brain works."

_Turn around, Logan. Do it. Right now, turn around and kiss him. This is the right moment._

"_Attention visitors: Those with tickets to the 7:00 show, please line up outside the Planetarium doors now. Thank you."_

Logan sighs. It's just not meant to be. "We should go," he says in a quiet voice.

"Yeah." James doesn't move.

A wave of lust rushes up Logan's body so suddenly it almost knocks him over and he can hardly breathe. _What the...where did that come from? _He licks his lips and feels James' breath on his ear. "James," he whispers, eyes falling closed. James pulls him back harder and Logan gasps softly. _Oh my, I'm not the only one. _"We could skip the laser show," he manages to breathe. James groans so softly he almost misses it.

"Jesus, Logan. What _is_ it about you?"

And that makes him chuckle, because Logan _knows _that feeling. "It's crazy. It makes no sense."

"I know. I don't get it."

"_Attention visitors: Doors are open for the 7:00 show. Please make your way to your seats."_

"Damn. Okay, we should do this. You already bought the tickets and if we go back to the car, I might end up getting us arrested."

"Oh really?" Logan pulls away from James and looks up at him. "That might be fun."

"Wait, _you_ think getting arrested is fun? What happened to my innocent little Logie?"

"I think he disappeared around the time you cut your finger."

"And you sucked on it. God, that was hot."

There is definitely a bounce in Logan's step as he pulls James toward the building. "Let's get this overwith. Then maybe we can go park somewhere down the hill. Camille told me there's a place for that."

"Oh, nice."

Once inside the Planetarium, they grab their glasses and take seats in the outermost ring. Logan's thinking about grabbing James' hand once the lights go down. Or maybe he'll just rest his hand on James' thigh and see what happens. Because _damn_, Logan has never been this turned on, and who could have foreseen it would be James to do that to him?

An employee gives the signal to close the doors but suddenly there's a commotion.

"WAIT! We're coming in, hang on!"

_No. NO, this is NOT happening. That is NOT Carlos. Please God, NO._

"Carlos, I'm sitting next to Logan, don't even think about it!" Kendall hops over the back of the seat next to Logan before Carlos can get there.

"Boys, please be quiet. Sorry everyone!" Mrs. Knight calls out to the crowd glaring at them. She takes a seat with Katie while Carlos settles in on the other side of James.

"Dude, surprise!" Carlos is all smiles. Grinning.

And Logan wants to kill him. With his bare hands. Never has he felt such anger in his life.

Kendall leans in to whisper, "I'm sorry. I'm _so_ sorry."

Logan's eyes are wet as he meets Kendall's gaze. "What the fuck, Kendall? How could you let this happen?"

"I tried to stop them, I swear. But Katie and Carlos wouldn't shut up about the laser show and finally Mom got fed up and said okay."

"But you should've..." Logan tries hard to keep his voice from rising. The lights slowly dim and at least that's something. "You know how much this means to me. I didn't have to say it, did I?"

"No. Dude...I see what's going on here, and I swear I tried to talk them out of it. I'm sorry!"

Logan wants to be mad at Kendall, wants to rage at the whole world, but he can't because he sees that Kendall truly does feel horrible about this. Carlos is rambling excitedly to James and Mrs. Knight keeps shushing him.

"And just for the record? I approve. You guys are good together."

Logan blinks in surprise, the anger lifting in a flash. "Really?"

"Yeah." Kendall looks past Logan to nod at James, who nods back but doesn't smile in the dark. "Sorry," he mouths to James. James nods again.

Logan whispers, "He tried to keep them away."

"I know. Just promise me we can do the mall tomorrow."

"Damn right we will." Logan sighs and leans his head back as the music starts. _We should've gone to the car. I could be kissing him right now. Sitting on his lap. I wonder what it feels like to get a hickey? _

Fingers slide down against his thigh, settling between his leg and James'. Logan moves his hand until their fingers are brushing, and then James locks his own around Logan's. In the dark it's not noticeable, but it's enough to let Logan know James is thinking the same thing.

_Next time, James. Next time. We won't make that mistake again._


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Notes:** Anyone reading this knows that Nickelodeon owns the rights to Big Time Rush, right? I just like to play chess with the boys, moving them around as I see fit.

Yes, the title is based on the Disney song, because it's always been one of my favorites and because it fits. Also? Christmas in August? Don't even ask, I don't know. Seriously. I don't know.

I was going to post this when it was completed, but it's not going to be very long (ha, she says now) and when I realized I'd have to break it up on LJ anyway, I decided to just chapter it. So...yeah.

This pairing took me by surprise, and it's so different from what I'm used to writing that I'm not even sure it's any good. Please let me know if you like it-or don't like it, that's fine, too. Because I'm nervous about this one.

Every single word of this fic (and probably all future fics I write) is dedicated to **kathrynew30** . The words came from me, but the story, ideas, tone, characters, the entire dynamic of this was borne out of conversations between us and how we see this pairing. She is my cheerleader, my sounding board, my squeeing partner, my friend. SHE GETS ME. And I love her way much more than is healthy.

And I apologize for the OTHER pairing that wormed its way into this. I had no plans for it, they just...insisted. Apparently I'm incapable of writing anything without bringing Kendall into it somehow.

Somebody here (can't remember who at the mo) called him Cockblocker!Carlos. This is incredibly accurate, but I promise the boys will have their moment soon. Promise! Very soon. :)

* * *

"Okay, no. Just...no."

"Logan, there's not a good reason for it this time."

"Uh _yeah_, how about you guys crashed my date and I deserve some time alone with him?"

"So tell Carlos that. Go ahead. You two can't hide this forever anyway."

"There's nothing to hide, Kendall! Nothing's happening because _we never get the time alone to make something happen_."

Kendall waves an arm in frustration. "Look, I'm just telling you what's gonna happen if you try to leave us out of the shopping. Carlos is gonna whine and pout again and is it really worth all that? We can split up once we get to the mall."

Logan shakes his head and kicks the couch he's standing next to, knowing Kendall's right but hating him for it. It's not fair. Their date was ruined because _of course_ Carlos and Kendall rode home with them and even after returning to the apartment, Mrs. Knight wanted to have a family game night. When Logan suggested it was a bit late for that, Carlos answered that it was only 8:30 and when did Logan become such a grandma? A desperate but silent plea toward James was ignored because Katie challenged him to a game of Halo and it would have seemed odd for him to turn her down.

And now Kendall expects him to be okay with Carlos and him tagging along to the mall? It's just not fair!

"Hey, you ready?"

James enters the living room looking gorgeous as ever and Logan wants to cry. Or scream. Killing someone would work, too. "Apparently we have company. _Again_."

The look James throws Kendall is one of disbelief. "You wouldn't."

"_You_ try explaining to Carlos why we're not allowed to go."

"Because we're shopping _for_ you and Carlos. We're buying your Christmas gifts. You can't be there." James glances at Logan for help.

Logan nods. "See?"

"I tried that, James. But since we have to shop for you guys too, it makes sense for all of us to go. We'll split up at the mall, okay? I promise."

"No."

Both Kendall and Logan whip their heads around to James. "No?" Kendall asks.

"No. Fuck that, we'll just stay home. This is bullshit, Kendall."

Logan's eyes bug out of his head for a moment. _Really? He's finally showing it? I was beginning to think I was the only one so pissed off about all this._

"James, you're overreacting. And be quiet, Mom's in the next room."

"Like she doesn't know we cuss?"

"That's not the point."

"The _point_ is that you and Logan are allowed to take off together whenever you want. Me and Carlos never try to butt in."

"You guys go places with us all the time!"

"Yeah, when it's a group thing. But you two go do your...whatever you do...and we let you. So you need to let _us_. Especially since you know _why_ we want to be alone."

"And that's what I was saying to Logan. Why don't you guys just tell Carlos already?"

"Because there's nothing to tell!" Logan yells, surprising both of them with his outburst. "And there's never gonna be because you guys won't let it happen!"

"Dude, what's your problem? I think Bitters probably heard you all the way down in the lobby." Carlos settles his helmet over his head as he moves closer, just in case.

_I never realized it would be so hard to date a friend._ Then again, Logan never really thought it through at all; it just kind of happened. What makes him more frustrated is that he doesn't have it in him to be mad at Carlos because Kendall's right—Carlos _doesn't_ know, and how can he be so oblivious? But this is Carlos, and Carlos is like a kid sometimes; he sees what he wants to see, hears what he wants to hear, and misses the obvious. "Nothing," he finally answers.

"You sure? Because you sounded pissed."

After a resigned look at James, Logan shrugs. "It's nothing. You ready to shop?"

Carlos grins. "Wait until you see what I'm getting you. You're gonna _die_!"

"Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of. Kendall, you'll make sure it's nothing dangerous, right?"

"I got your back, buddy. Always." Kendall smiles at Logan, who smiles back before noting the frown on James' face.

"You okay?" Logan asks quietly as they parade down the hall toward the elevator a few moments later.

"Could be better," James answers, keeping his distance.

"I know. This sucks. But Kendall's right, Carlos would've-"

"Yeah. Kendall's right. Got it."

Man, if looks could kill... "Dude, did you and Kendall have a fight about something?"

James stares down at Logan once they stop to wait for the elevator. "Not yet."

"Then what...?"

"Logan, you're the smartest person I know, but sometimes..." James shakes his head, obviously annoyed.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Guys? You coming?"

Logan turns his head to see Kendall gesturing for them to hop into the elevator while Carlos holds the doors. He sighs before joining them and feels an arm drop over his shoulder. _Kendall._

James is looking anywhere but at them and Carlos is babbling about how they should all jump at the same time to see if they can make the elevator get stuck.

"I think your boyfriend's getting jealous," Kendall whispers.

Logan blinks in surprise, then tilts his head back to look at Kendall. "Wait, you think..."

"Oh, I think so. Whisper in my ear and then look at him. Do it."

Logan swallows nervously before lifting his lips to Kendall's ear. "Is he looking over here yet?"

"Damn, Logie. I think he's ready to skin me alive." Kendall thinks this is funny?

Logan sneaks a glance over his shoulder just before the elevator stops and almost stumbles from the sheer hatred glowing in James' eyes. _Whoa. Really? Over me?_

The doors open and James is through them in a flash, Carlos not far behind.

"I think you need to clear this up, Logan. I'd rather not wake up to James standing over me with a knife."

Logan walks with him through the lobby. "I don't want to cause problems between you guys. This isn't supposed to happen, we're all supposed to be friends."

"We can be. Just make sure he knows you and I aren't...whatever you and him are."

_And what exactly is that? Nothing's even happened yet and already it's causing problems. _Logan sighs again as they slip out into the sunshine. _James, you'd better be worth it._ He jogs up next to James and grabs his arm as they head toward the car. "Hey, are we okay? If something's bothering you, tell me."

James stops walking and gives Logan an exasperated look.

"Did I do something wrong?"

The frustration melts into amusement and James shakes his head. "No, Logan, it's just...I'm kind of out of my comfort zone here and everything seems a hundred times more meaningful than it probably is. You know?"

Logan nods. He _does_ know.

An arm falls over each set of shoulders. "Come on, my little lovebirds. Carlos is getting antsy."

Kendall gets them moving again, but Logan's mind is turning over what James said. Out of his comfort zone, indeed. What if it ends badly? Would it still have been worth it?

When Carlos calls shotgun and James tells him to fuck off, Logan grins. When James smiles over at him and squeezes his knee as he's starting the car, Logan knows for sure.

James is _so_ worth it.

* * *

James and Carlos do some ridiculous dance move, completely in sync of course, and Logan laughs. "They're so silly."

Kendall nods, arms crossed over his chest as he leans back into his chair. "Think they have a shot?"

"I don't know. James probably does. Carlos is just doing it because James is."

"Yeah, Carlos is a good friend." Looking over all the other hopefuls for the model/talent search, Kendall shakes his head. "None of them stand a chance against James. He's seriously pretty."

"I know! And I'm not just saying that because he's my...whatever he is. There are so many pretty faces in L.A. but none of them look like James." Logan's surprised to actually be enjoying himself; he expected to be counting down the seconds until he could be alone with James, but once James spotted the little stage set up for the modeling/talent search, nothing could hold him back, and Logan doesn't mind indulging him in this. He smiles softly, watching James flip his hair after landing a backflip that draws a smattering of applause from the small crowd.

"It's funny, isn't it? How things that used to annoy you about him are suddenly so cute you can't stand it?"

Logan makes a sound of agreement before nodding. "It really is. I was thinking about that the other day when we were cooking dinner together. _How_ he could mess that up...but it was so adorable, you know?"

"Yeah."

Kendall's voice has taken on a softer tone that mentally shakes Logan out of James-adoration-mode. What the...? Kendall has a thing for _James? _Logan stares at Kendall, who is watching James with a smile so sweet it makes him go cold all over._ No. No, Kendall, don't you DARE. _Logan follows Kendall's gaze, his heart thudding violently in his chest, and his eyes land on...Carlos? Logan's head swings back and forth between Kendall and the stage, and there's no doubt because _Holy shit, Kendall's got a thing for Carlos? REALLY? _"Kendall?"

"Mmm?" Still not looking away from...yeah, it's definitely Carlos, who is at this moment strutting his stuff alone because James has already finished his "audition."

"Carlos? Really?"

"Huh?" Kendall finally turns his head toward Logan. "What?"

"Carlos?" And has Kendall ever turned so red so fast? _Oh my God, this is too cute. Kendall's embarrassed?_

Kendall drops his gaze to his lap and offers a small shrug. "I...don't really know."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I'm not sure. Maybe."

"Wow, you're really uncomfortable with this."

"Of course I am!" Kendall whispers, looking around. "I don't even know what I'm feeling. How did _you_ know?"

"With James?" Logan takes an opportunity to glance over at him and smiles when James looks over at the same instant, as if they're psychically linked. James responds with an answering grin and a wink, and Logan's heart flips over in his chest. "I guess it was...what I'm feeling right now. When he smiles at me. Or looks at me. I found myself thinking things about him that were...odd. And I'd be like 'Whoa, where did that come from?' You know?"

Kendall is nodding before Logan even finishes speaking. "Exactly! Like he's a touchy guy, right? Carlos? He's always been like that, touchy-feely, and it never bothered me because I'm the same way. But now when he touches me, it's like..."

"It makes you squirm."

"Yes! But at the same time, I like it. Logan, we've been friends forever and now suddenly he touches me and I want to jump out of my skin. Last night with the massaging, I thought I was gonna have a stroke."

"Okay, yeah, that's how it started with me and James. The night he broke that ornament? I think it was because I got too close and he got nervous. I didn't see it at the time, but I do now."

"God, Logan, what's wrong with us? We're insane. We're falling for our best friends. This can't be good."

"Yeah, I know. But just try fighting it." Logan hears applause and joins in, realizing that Carlos has finished his little impromptu dance number. Kendall claps as well, offering a few wolf whistles that make Carlos' face light up like the sun. "What are you gonna do about it?"

Kendall shakes his head. "No fucking idea. Probably nothing. I've got Jo."

"So lose her. She makes you crazy anyway."

"Oh, and Carlos doesn't?" Kendall stands up and stretches before slapping a cheesy grin on his face for the boys as they run up. "Nice work, guys!" He high-fives them both.

After assuring both James and Carlos that yes, they were amazing and _yes_, they each have a shot at the finals, Logan and Kendall share a look and realize they're both suddenly desperate to be alone with their respective crushes. When Logan tugs at James' shirt, James immediately gets it and nods, and they agree to meet up in the food court in an hour for lunch. Logan watches Carlos and Kendall walk into a clothing store, most likely shopping for James, and chuckles.

"What's so funny?"

James is standing just behind him with a hand on his shoulder and it's all Logan can do to keep from leaning back against him. "Could you imagine them as a couple?"

"Carlos and Kendall? Hell yeah. Carlos has been in love with him since fifth grade."

Logan spins around in shock. "What?"

"You couldn't tell? It's like puppy love, or at least it used to be. I think now it's grown into a more...mature kind of wanting."

"But that's just Carlos. He's like that with everybody."

"No. It's different with Kendall. It was kind of a hero-worship thing for a few years, but Carlos would kill to have Kendall think of him as more than a friend."

_What is going on? My whole world is upside down! Kendall wants Carlos and Carlos loves Kendall and I can't wait to kiss James and we can't all four be gay, can we? This is insane! _

"Dude, I didn't mean to freak you out. But you asked, so..."

"This day keeps getting weirder and weirder."

James reaches out to pull Logan closer, leaving his arm around Logan's neck as they start walking. "Wait until you see what I'm getting Carlos for Christmas."

"Uh oh. Should I be scared?"

"Well...let's just say you might want to hide in my bed on Christmas morning."

Logan grins. "I might want to do that anyway."

James throws his head back and laughs, and the sheer joy of it warms Logan's heart.

* * *

Logan reads the product description on the back of the package with a frown. "I'm not sure this is a good idea, James. He might actually hurt someone with this."

"Dude, it's made by Nerf. How dangerous can it be?"

"But it's a dart gun."

"Foam darts."

"It's an automatic weapon, for God's sake. And it's huge." He turns the bulky package around and checks out the Nerf N-Strike Stampede ECS 50 Blaster more closely. "Plus, it's fifty dollars."

"I'm not worried about that. I got money from my grandma. She's excited that I'm actually doing something with my talent. So...you feel lucky, punk?"

The change in timber sinks in slowly. Is James attempting Clint Eastwood? _Oh, no._ He spins around apprehensively to find a Blaster pointed right at his chest. "Don't even think about it. Batteries are not included, I just read that on the package."

"But this is a display model. Complete with six batteries and fully-loaded darts. So tell me...do, ya, Logan?"

"James," Logan warns while backing away. "Put the gun down."

James' answer is a predatory grin as he moves forward. He fires once and a barrage of darts slams into Logan.

"Oh, it's _on_." Logan drops his own boxed Blaster and grabs for a smaller, simpler display gun on a table next to him. He does a spinning jump, landing in a crouch before shooting foam rings into James' stomach.

"Whoa. Nice reflexes." And then James is after Logan, who screeches before running down an aisle and almost knocking down a few kids. He doesn't even stop to apologize because he knows from years of friendship that James is _fast_.

"You can't run from me, Logan!"

James is laughing as he yells and Logan laughs, too. He feels giddy and rather than question it, he embraces it. "Just try to catch me, James!"

Around a corner and he thinks about lying in wait but James is too fast, he'd never have time to set up an ambush. Instead he keeps running, turning down another aisle and suddenly there's a pyramid of boxes in front of him and he's going too fast to stop. "Shit," he blurts before falling into at least a hundred Barbies.

* * *

"I can't believe you got me kicked out of a toy store."

"Oh, it's my fault? Who knocked over Barbie?"

Logan shrugs. "Bitch was asking for it."

James stops walking and his jaw drops before he dissolves into giggles. "Logan, what's gotten into you? I think I really like the new you."

Logan grins, pleased that he's able to make James laugh. "I'm feeling more adventurous lately. Taking risks." A glance up at James. "Know what I mean?"

James appears to melt. "Yeah. I know exactly what you mean. And like I said, I love the new you."

_The L-Word. He used the L-Word. But not like that, so knock it off. _Logan wears a big, goofy smile anyway as they enter the food court. "I'm feeling Chinese. And yes, I know you want McDonald's. Grab a table if you get done first?"

"Deal." James squeezes Logan's shoulder before moving away. Logan watches him go and again wonders how it's possible that such a beautiful creature could find him interesting in the slightest. James throws a look over his shoulder and smiles when he finds Logan watching him. Another wink has Logan sighing before heading off to Panda Express.

Five minutes later Logan is sitting at a table watching James order his food. Will it be a shake or a McFlurry today? James can never eat McDonald's without having one or the other, it's become a tradition. _Just one more thing I used to roll my eyes at. What's gotten into me?_ He thinks about Kendall's comment earlier, and yes—_everything_ is cute now. _Is this love? I don't even know. But he's adorable and I can't stop watching him and all I ever want is to be touching him, to have his hand on me or arms around me. We really need to talk about this._

As adventurous as Logan has become, his logical mind still requires him to analyze everything. He needs to understand this. _He likes me that way. I like him that way. Does it really matter why or how? Ah, McFlurry. Maybe he'll let me have a bite._

Logan lifts an arm to draw James' attention, but apparently he didn't even have to because James seems to have known right where he is. _We're so in tune to each other now. It's crazy. Or maybe he has to know where I am all the time like I do him._

"Do I get a bite of your orange chicken?" James slides into the seat across from him.

"Only if I get some of that," Logan answers, gesturing toward the dessert.

"Of course."

"And a few fries."

"Share your fortune with me?"

"Always." The word slips out before Logan realizes how it might sound, but James just grins.

"I love that you use chopsticks."

"You do?"

"Yeah. I've tried and I can't get it to work right."

"I'll teach you. It's easy once you get the hang of it. Kendall taught me."

James stops chewing, surprised. "_Kendall_ taught you to use chopsticks?"

"Yep. He never uses them, but he's really good with his hands."

"Oh, is he now?"

The atmosphere has turned sour in a matter of seconds. _We need to talk about this. _"Not like _that_. What's your problem with Kendall all of a sudden?"

"I don't have a problem with Kendall." James picks at his fries, not looking at Logan.

"Are you jealous?"

It's a few moments before James answers, and the trepidation in his eyes squeezes Logan's heart. "Do I need to be? Is there something I should be aware of between you two?"

"Oh, James." _Can I just hug you now? Right here. If I kiss you, you'll know how crazy you make me. _"There's nothing. We're like brothers, we always have been. I can't believe I'm having to tell you that."

"You guys just...you have this bond and it's never bothered me before, but...well, you know."

"Yeah. I know. But I promise, I've never thought of him that way. I don't even know how I came to think of _you_ that way. How did this happen, James? What changed?"

James shrugs, obviously uncomfortable with the conversation. "Does it matter? Does it have to make sense?"

"Yes. You know how I am, _everything_ has to make sense."

"I don't know when it happened or why or how. Just suddenly you weren't Logan, you were..._Logan_."

"Right. But something had to bring it on."

"I don't know what. I _can_ tell you that it was after the dance. I was so happy that you finally got Camille to go with you, because we failed so miserably. And then Kendall had to fix everything, and I watched you dancing with Camille, and I kept thinking about how nervous you were with her and how pathetic your attempts were and...it was kind of adorable."

Logan smiles, a bit embarrassed at his lack of finesse with the ladies but apparently there's a reason for that, so he can accept it now. "And you ended up with all those dates without even meaning to. How come you never go out with anyone? All these girls are after you all the time, and you don't date any of them."

"You think I can even _see_ anyone else anymore? You've kind of taken over my world, in case you hadn't noticed."

_Did you really just say that? I am so in love with you, James Diamond. And we've never even shared a kiss. _Logan licks his lips, touched beyond belief by James' words. "I know the feeling."

"We really need to be alone. Soon."

All Logan can do is nod, because words? What are those? There's only James, with his perfectly shaped-lips and glowing golden eyes and would it really be a big deal to kiss him in front of all these people? Nobody would care, right?

His butt actually lifts off the seat and he's _so_ gonna do this and oh no, James, don't even think about leaning back because you're _mine _right now and HEY!

Hands slap down over his shoulders and slam him back into his seat. "Oh, McDonald's! Kendall, buy me a McFlurry!"

"Like I want you more hyper? I don't think so. We'll get a couple of apple pies." Kendall sets down two bags on the seat next to Logan. "Don't you dare look inside."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Their moment has been interrupted yet again, but Logan doesn't even really mind this time, perhaps because he knows it's gonna happen eventually; the words have been said, the feelings expressed, and this time it was more than a hint or a flirt. James isn't even _interested _in anyone else.

"Carlos, go buy us lunch. And I mean it—no ice cream." Kendall passes him a twenty.

"Sure, buddy."

Carlos moves through the crowd and Logan has no doubt he will return with a McFlurry. Probably two, to appease Kendall. And Kendall will think it's adorable. Logan grins, watching Kendall pick up the bags and settle in next to him.

"Did you clear up the little misunderstanding, Logan?"

"The misunderstanding? Oh, right. Yeah." Logan cuts a glance to James and smiles. "He knows you and I aren't...like that. Right, James?"

"Do you have to touch him all the time, Kendall? And whisper?"

"I've always been like that, James. It's not like I'm gonna stop just because you're in love with him."

"Well, could you maybe try?"

James _is_ jealous. _Oh, I'm really going to kiss the everloving crap out of you when I get the chance. _

"Nope. Logan's my bro." Kendall pulls him close in a sideways hug. "You're gonna have to deal with it."

"Fine." James' arms cross over his chest. "But Logan, you'd better be prepared for me to claim my territory once we're alone. Because every time he hugs you or touches you, all I want to do is drag you away and make sure you know you're mine."

Logan sits up straight in his chair, eyes wide. "Oh? Kendall, touch me some more."

All three boys are laughing when Carlos returns with two Big Mac meals—and two McFlurries. "Look Kendall, I got you one, too. See?"

Kendall shakes his head, but he's smiling. "Next time I'm ordering. Did you get me the one with Oreos?"

"Of course. I know my Kendall."

Kendall grins and reaches over to ruffle Carlos' hair.

Logan just laughs. _Yeah, Kendall's got it bad._


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Notes:** Anyone reading this knows that Nickelodeon owns the rights to Big Time Rush, right? I just like to play chess with the boys, moving them around as I see fit.

Yes, the title is based on the Disney song, because it's always been one of my favorites and because it fits. Also? Christmas in August? Don't even ask, I don't know. Seriously. I don't know.

I was going to post this when it was completed, but it's not going to be very long (ha, she says now) and when I realized I'd have to break it up on LJ anyway, I decided to just chapter it. So...yeah.

This pairing took me by surprise, and it's so different from what I'm used to writing that I'm not even sure it's any good. Please let me know if you like it-or don't like it, that's fine, too. Because I'm nervous about this one.

Every single word of this fic (and probably all future fics I write) is dedicated to **kathrynew30** . The words came from me, but the story, ideas, tone, characters, the entire dynamic of this was borne out of conversations between us and how we see this pairing. She is my cheerleader, my sounding board, my squeeing partner, my friend. SHE GETS ME. And I love her way much more than is healthy.

And I apologize for the OTHER pairing that wormed its way into this. I had no plans for it, they just...insisted. Apparently I'm incapable of writing anything without bringing Kendall into it somehow.

* * *

Logan and James both try to work in some alone time over the next few days, but they are foiled in every attempt. It seems fate doesn't want them to experience even a simple kiss, and each day the desperation becomes more intense. Logan finally considers asking Kendall to switch rooms with James for a night, knowing Kendall would probably agree. When he broaches the subject, though, Kendall immediately shuts him down. "It's not a good idea."

"What? Why? You could be alone with Carlos, too," Logan argues.

"That's what I'm afraid of. I'm sorry, dude, but I'm just not ready for that."

Logan sits down on his bed, elbows on his knees as he watches Kendall across the room. "Since when are you afraid to take a risk?"

Kendall glares at Logan before sitting on his own bed. "It's not about that. It's about doing something I might regret because I still don't know what I'm feeling. This is the first time I've ever been unsure about what I want, and it's too important to screw up."

Yeah, Logan can understand that. "Would you consider sleeping on the couch for a night? I would suggest that to James instead, but anyone could walk out at any time. I wouldn't be able to relax long enough to get anywhere."

"Just how far are you planning to go, Logan?"

Logan's cheeks flame. "I'm not sure. At the moment, I'd settle for a kiss. On the lips."

"So what's stopping you? How hard is it to pull James into the bathroom and just kiss him really quick?"

Logan shakes his head, bemused. "Oh, Kendall. You don't have a romantic bone in your body, do you?"

"Well, if you're that desperate..."

"I just want it to be...special. The other night at the observatory, _that_ was special."

"So why didn't you kiss him then?"

"Because we both thought we'd have plenty of time after the show."

"Oh. Right." Kendall stands up. "Well, I'll sleep on the couch, but Katie and Mom will ask questions. And all Carlos has to say is that James is sleeping in our room, and there goes any hope of discretion. Why don't you just take him out right now? Walk down to the beach or something, don't say anything to anyone, and just _go._"

"He's still down in the gym."

"So? He'd leave in a heartbeat if you asked."

"I know, but...it just doesn't feel right."

"Jesus, Logan, if you wait until the perfect moment, it's never gonna happen."

And that's what Logan is thinking about on Christmas Eve, how it's never gonna happen if they don't just..._do it_ already. A hundred longing glances and "accidental" touches have passed between them but neither has taken the bull by the horns and _made_ it happen. That's going to change tonight. Logan is tired of waiting. Katie and Mrs. Knight will be down at the Palm Woods Christmas party, which the guys will attend for a short time before moving up to the rooftop for their traditional "Wait for Santa" night.

It began when they were seven. Carlos wouldn't shut up about Santa Claus coming, and when Logan had enough and informed Carlos that Santa doesn't exist, it crushed Carlos completely. He was a wreck for two days, would hardly speak to anyone and didn't want to play at all. Logan felt horrible about it but didn't know how to undo his mistake. Kendall took him aside on Christmas Eve and told him he didn't care how he fixed it, but he'd better or else. Logan knew better than to doubt Kendall's sincerity. He begged his parents to let him spend the evening with Carlos and with Kendall's help, arranged for all four of them to spend the night at Kendall's house. Logan told Carlos his parents said he was wrong about Santa, and his parents _never_ lie. James and Kendall backed him up on that, and by the time dinner was done Carlos was happy again. Logan took it a step further and suggested they all sit on the roof and watch for Santa Claus, knowing Carlos would fall asleep and they could play it off as "Oh, we missed him!" They took blankets, snacks, and hot cocoa up with them and damn near froze to death, but it was worth it—Carlos had the time of his life. And if Logan was honest with himself, he'd had a blast, too. Every year since they'd staked out the rooftop waiting for Santa, and while Logan's pretty sure Carlos knows the truth by now, neither of them is willing to break the tradition because it's something all four of them look forward to.

So all Logan has to do is drag James back to the empty apartment at some point. This should be a piece of cake.

Except once they're all settled on the roof, Logan isn't sure he wants to move ever again. Carlos pulled Kendall over to his blanket and wrapped them up tight in it, Kendall not objecting even one peep, and James smiled before lifting up his own blanket for Logan to join him. Usually when they pair off he's stuck with Kendall, which was never a problem in the past. This time James claims him with long arms wrapped around his waist and a head of peach-scented hair on his shoulder as they sit back against the wall of the stairwell. Logan nuzzles James' hair, eliciting a content sigh from James, and yeah—Logan doesn't want to move away ever.

"You're gonna love what I got you," Carlos says in a voice Logan's never heard from him before; it's low and calm and somehow centered.

"Hmm, I'm thinking you'll love what I got you more," Kendall answers.

Logan grins. "Aren't they adorable?" he whispers to James.

"Yeah," James says softly. "I'm going to kiss you tonight."

Logan's eyes fall closed and he licks his lips. "Not if I kiss you first." He can feel James grin and opens his eyes to see it because he never tires of seeing James smile.

"What are you waiting for?" James teases, practically daring him.

Carlos and Kendall are on the other side of the doorframe along the same wall. Logan knows that if they do this right here and right now, there is no doubt they'll be caught. This isn't exactly what he had in mind as a perfect moment, but it could certainly be a lot worse. And if Carlos sees? Well, screw Carlos. He'll find out eventually anyway, right? James is worth whatever teasing Carlos might throw their way.

Logan tilts his head and dips his face slightly, heart like a ping-pong ball beneath his ribcage. James tightens his grip around Logan's waist as if afraid Logan's going to fly away, and then Logan's lips are on his—soft, warm, wet. Before they can truly begin to savor the contact, they're startled by Carlos.

"Look at that! Make a wish, guys!"

Logan is too worked up to even be disappointed. _I kissed James._ He smiles at James, who answers with a huge grin, and then they both look over to see Carlos pointing at the sky.

"Wow! I have never seen anything like that," Kendall exclaims.

The sky seems to be exploding with shooting stars. Logan counts at least ten before giving up and simply staring in awe.

"Is it a meteor shower?" James asks.

"I don't think so. It's just...wow. Stars falling from the sky. _A lot_ of them." Logan can barely process it. Is it the end of the world?

"Did you make a wish? I did!" Carlos calls out. "Hurry, before it's over!"

Logan glances at James, who meets his gaze, and they both grin again. Yeah, James would probably wish for the same thing. Logan closes his eyes and thinks. _My wish is that this thing between James and I works out. A little privacy would be nice, too._

Lips press against him again and Logan's breath catches in his throat before he recovers enough to return the kiss. _Who needs privacy?_ James' tongue slides against his lips and Logan thinks he might die from the feel of it. He opens his mouth and James is _there_, licking at his lips and tongue and James' hands are under his shirt, rubbing slowly up his side. _James_.

The blanket falls away in Logan's haste to get closer, to be _on_ James somehow, and when James realizes what Logan's goal is, he rips the blanket off them and pulls Logan onto his lap with a low growl before capturing Logan's bottom lip between his teeth. Logan gasps because those _teeth_, he's been staring at those teeth for weeks and wondering what they'd feel like on his skin and it's amazing. James' eyes are huge in front of him, swallowing him up, and Logan can barely breathe but then James rolls his hips up and Logan's breath leaves him in a rush. "James," he whispers, eyelids heavy and voice hitched.

James runs his hands up Logan's arms to cup his face and whispers, "You're so beautiful. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you."

_I do love you. This can't be anything else._ "Just keep looking at me like that. Don't ever stop." Logan leans in to kiss James again, and this time he doesn't plan on stopping for anything or anyone. His hands fist in James' hair and James shudders beneath him before losing the self-control he's been exercising for the past month. He devours Logan with lips, tongue, teeth, hands, his body a live wire at every contact point.

"Kendall," Carlos whispers.

Kendall is still watching the sky. Carlos is settled between his open legs, leaning back against him under the blanket.

"Kendall!"

"What?" Kendall answers quietly. "Why are we whispering?"

"James and Logan are kissing!"

Kendall glances over and...wow. They're _really _kissing. He can't help but laugh softly. "They sure are."

"Have they done that before?"

"Uh...I don't think so. They've been wanting to for weeks, though."

"They have?"

"Carlos, where have you been? I don't know how you can miss what's right in front of you all the time."

"Well, maybe I'm too busy looking at other stuff."

"Yeah, I suppose." Kendall wraps his arms around Carlos' waist, and it doesn't feel strange at all. In fact, it feels natural because he and Carlos have sat like this before, too many times to count, and it's never been a big deal.

"So you're okay with it?"

"What, with James and Logan? Sure. They're good for each other."

Carlos leans his head back against Kendall and looks up. "I mean...because they're both guys."

Kendall shrugs. "I'm not a homophobe, Carlos."

"I know that, but...well, okay maybe I didn't know that. Guys together doesn't bother you?"

Kendall is quiet for a few moments, staring at nothing.

"Kendall, how come your heart's beating so fast? Are you having a panic attack like Logan does?"

"No, Carlos! I'm fine!" Kendall's trying to be quiet because...he looks over at James and Logan, and yes, they're still playing tonsil hockey. And are they grinding over there or what? Do they have to keep doing that? Can't they stop already?

"So what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. And no, guys together doesn't bother me."

"Cool. That would make it hard on them, you know?"

"Yes, Carlos. I know."

Carlos settles back against Kendall again, eyes on the view of Hollywood before him. "I was talking to Jo at the party. She told me you broke up with her. Yesterday."

"Yeah."

"How come you didn't say anything? Do they know?" Carlos nods his head toward Logan and James.

"No. I didn't tell anyone."

"How come? I mean, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. It just wasn't working out."

"Because she beats you up all the time at judo?"

Kendall laughs. "No, I could've handled that. If I loved her."

Carlos spins around as well as he can in Kendall's arms. "You don't love her?"

"Obviously. Or I wouldn't have broken up with her."

"So um...how do you know when you're in love?"

Kendall finally meets Carlos' eyes. "I'm not sure. Maybe it's just when you realize that you couldn't live without someone in your life. Seeing him every day, making him laugh and wanting to protect him from the world and knowing you light up his life as much as he lights up yours."

Carlos places a hand over Kendall's heart. "Your heart's gonna explode, dude," he says softly. "And you said 'him.' Not 'her.'"

"So I did." But as much as he tries to play it off like it's nothing, Kendall's chest tightens and his stomach clenches and he feels the need to vomit.

"Are you in love with somebody already?"

"I'm...maybe." Since when is Carlos able to focus so intently on one thing at a time? _Why can't he look away? Why can't_ I _look away?_

Carlos nods slowly, his face showing the intensity of his thoughts."Is it someone I know?"

Kendall's head bobs up and down. If he opens his mouth, he might actually throw up.

"Oh." Carlos appears to think hard, and then suddenly it's like a light bulb goes on above his head. "OH!" If his grin was any wider it would split his face in half.

Kendall is suddenly giggling. Carlos is just so damn precious. "So uh...yeah."

"Yeah?"

Kendall nods again, sobering up some.

"HELL YEAH! My wish came true!" Carlos flips himself around so he's on his knees facing Kendall. "Come here then, Kendork!" He grabs Kendall's shirt and pulls Kendall toward him, kissing him so hard Kendall thinks his lips might be bruised for life. Kendall smiles through the kiss, because really—_Carlos is so damn precious. And damn, has he been practicing? _

The thought is like a knife in the stomach and Kendall pulls back. "Stephanie."

Carlos is panting. "What?"

"Stephanie. Are you with Stephanie?"

"Steph...oh! No! I wanted to date her, but...I don't know. She's nice and all, and pretty, but..." Carlos shrugs.

"Okay. Just making sure."

"Aww, is Kendall jealous?" The idea pleases Carlos to no end.

"Shut up. It's not funny."

"No, but it's cute. And kind of...unbelievable. Really? You're jealous over me?"

Kendall rolls his eyes. "Never mind. I take it back. You're too annoying for me to fall in love with."

Carlos grins. "Yeah, right. I'm adorable and you know it. It's the helmet, right? It gets you hot when I wear it?"

"Oh my God, Carlos, just stop now."

"No way. So when are we gonna go on a date?"

"What have I gotten myself into?"

"You love it. I'm high maintenance and you love it because you'll never be bored. Hey, let's go to the—oh. Oh NO!" Carlos slaps a palm to his forehead.

"What?"

"That night. It was a date, huh? James and Logan, they were on a date!"

"It was."

"Why didn't you tell me, Kendall? I feel bad now!"

"It wasn't for me to tell. I tried to keep you away."

"I need to apologize." Carlos extricates himself from Kendall, but Kendall grabs him.

"I think they're a little busy."

Carlos looks over at James and Logan, who are completely oblivious to anything but each other, and calls out, "Hey James, I think he's messing up your hair!"

James flips him the finger but doesn't stop kissing Logan, whose fingers are still tugging at his hair in a way that makes him ache for those hands elsewhere on his body. Logan pulls back with a gasp, trying to catch his breath. "He's right. I'm sorry, James."

"Sorry?" James runs a thumb over Logan's swollen lips and smiles. "Don't be. You're worth a bad hair day."

And that, Logan knows, might as well be an "I love you" from James. His heart flips over in his chest and a fierce pride steals over him. "My James," he whispers.

James nods, opening his mouth to answer when Carlos yells, "Guys! Guess what? Kendall's in love with me!"

All three of them shush him. "We don't need the whole world to know, Carlos," Logan chastises.

"Whatever. But you should know that I love him, too, and I'm not ashamed and if anyone says-"

His words are cut off when Kendall shuts him up with a kiss.

"Now. Where were we?" James asks in that sexy voice that makes Logan melt.

"I was giving you bed head," Logan smirks before burying his hands in James' hair and tugging hard enough to pull a moan from him.

"Fuck, Logan. I _really_ like the new you."

* * *

At Logan's urging, an impromptu meeting is called to discuss the new developments and what they mean for Big Time Rush. Carlos whines that he's been waiting five years to kiss Kendall and it should wait until morning, but both Kendall and James agree there are some decisions to make before they leave the rooftop and re-enter the "real world."

In the end it's decided that discretion is key to their continued success. While Kendall abhors being fake and Carlos wants the entire universe to know Kendall wants him, James and Logan argue that boy bands are successful because girls worship them, and if female fans know there's no chance at all, the band is dead. Logan also points out that Gustavo would drop them in a second if he knew their fan base was in danger of running off to the next big _straight_ pop star. Kendall suggests that they not take it all so seriously; they should ride the wave of fame that is imminent and when it ends, as it inevitably will, they can have their time as true couples. Unless they decide it's no longer worth the hassle of hiding it; in that case, they would walk away as soon as the record label sets them free.

"So how do I hide it?" Carlos asks from his perch on Kendall's lap. "You guys know I can't keep a secret."

This is true. Logan looks to Kendall for an answer, but it's James who speaks up. "You just have to remember—all the time, Carlos—that if anyone finds out, it's over. We're on a plane to Minnesota just like that." James tightens his arms around Logan's waist, the thought making him cringe inside. Logan squeezes his arm.

"I could live with that," Carlos answers. "I love it here, but sometimes I miss Minnesota."

"Would you like Minnesota without a boyfriend? Because if you screw this up for us, I'd never speak to you again."

Both James and Logan know better than that, but apparently Carlos doesn't because Kendall's words result in panic. "Really?"

Kendall nods at Carlos, who has twisted around to look at him.

"Okay. I can do this."

"You can," Kendall agrees. "And you will."

"So are we done here?" James asks.

"What's your hurry?" Logan asks, tilting his head back at James.

"Oh, you know, nothing, except I've been waiting like a month to be with you, and Carlos has waited _five years_, so can we get back to the kissing stuff already?"

Carlos' eyes light up and he nods. Logan grins at Kendall, who shakes his head. "What are you gonna do with these boys?" his expression says.

"I don't know, we might miss Santa Claus if we're too busy making out," Logan teases.

In one swift move, James has him on the ground, an arm cradling his neck. "Fuck Santa," he whispers. Logan's eyes widen and then James is on him, and all thoughts of anything but the gorgeous being above him are wiped away. Carlos' excited outburst doesn't even register.

"Wait, Kendall. Did you call me your _boyfriend_?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Notes:** Anyone reading this knows that Nickelodeon owns the rights to Big Time Rush, right? I just like to play chess with the boys, moving them around as I see fit.

Yes, the title is based on the Disney song, because it's always been one of my favorites and because it fits. Also? Christmas in August? Don't even ask, I don't know. Seriously. I don't know.

I was going to post this when it was completed, but it's not going to be very long (ha, she says now) and when I realized I'd have to break it up on LJ anyway, I decided to just chapter it. So...yeah.

This pairing took me by surprise, and it's so different from what I'm used to writing that I'm not even sure it's any good. Please let me know if you like it-or don't like it, that's fine, too. Because I'm nervous about this one.

Every single word of this fic (and probably all future fics I write) is dedicated to **kathrynew30** . The words came from me, but the story, ideas, tone, characters, the entire dynamic of this was borne out of conversations between us and how we see this pairing. She is my cheerleader, my sounding board, my squeeing partner, my friend. SHE GETS ME. And I love her way much more than is healthy.

THIS IS IT. LAST CHAPTER. HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED IT. It was fun to write. :) Thanks for reading and making it this far. I love you all.

* * *

Unsurprisingly, Carlos is the first one awake on Christmas morning. After dragging James out of bed, he runs into the other bedroom and attacks Kendall with kisses until Kendall wakes up enough to respond, kissing him in between groans of "Carlos, knock it off" and "I'm awake already, leave me alone." James follows at a slower pace, locking the door behind him before sliding into bed with Logan and snuggling up with a contented sigh.

Logan wakes gradually, his sleep broken both by the antics from Kendall's bed and from the warm body next to him. He opens his eyes to find himself cradled in James' arms while James dozes with his lips against Logan's hair.

"James, wake up, it's Christmas! Come on, dude, there are presents to open!"

Logan glances over at Carlos with a smile. "I'm perfectly fine just staying here all day."

"No way! Kendall, help me get them up." Carlos climbs off the bed and is about to step away when Kendall grabs his arm and pulls him back to the bed.

"I'm not quite ready to get up, either. I was enjoying that." Kendall traps Carlos with his arms and kisses him, drawing it out in a way that makes Carlos forget all about presents and Christmas.

"Hey," Logan whispers. James responds with an almost inaudible grunt. "It's Christmas, James. Merry Christmas."

"Mmm. Christmas." He squeezes Logan tighter. "I got my present right here."

"Aww." Logan turns over onto his side to face James, entangling their bodies. "I still can't believe this finally happened. Or that it happened at all."

"I know." Finally James opens his eyes, those piercing grey-brown eyes that see so much more than the world knows, and Logan's heart stops. Such beauty should be illegal. "It's kind of crazy."

"But good."

"Oh yeah, definitely good." James rolls onto his back, pulling Logan over him. He kisses Logan for a long time, teasing with his teeth and tongue until finally Logan has to break away.

"Yeah, so if you don't stop that, I'm gonna embarrass myself in front of the boys."

James shrugs. "Merry Christmas to me. I think that would be the best gift I could receive, watching you fall apart and knowing I caused it."

"James, God!" Because he wants so badly to throw himself at James and just let James take over, he moves off and stands up.

James smirks at the sight of the bulge in Logan's pajama pants. "Nice." He lifts a hand up to cup Logan, who gasps and has to force himself to remain standing.

"James, stop!" he whispers. "Please!" But then he rocks into the touch, and it's so amazing, nothing like when he touches himself, because James is just so...so... "Hot."

"Yeah, you are," James answers, a little breathless himself. He sits up for a better angle and they might as well be alone, so focused on each other that nothing else exists. Logan rests his hands on James' shoulders, bracing himself before rocking in earnest and how can James just watching him be so freaking hot? Logan could stare into that gaze for eternity.

"Hey! You guys better be awake! How come the door is locked?"

Logan freezes, eyes mirroring James as they widen. James' hand falls away as if burned. Logan turns around to see similar looks on Carlos' and Kendall's faces, as if they were caught with their pants down. Which, now that Logan looks more closely, isn't far from the truth; just where _is_ Kendall's hand, anyway?

"We'll be right out!" Kendall manages to yell.

"You better! Mom says I can't open any presents until we're all together!"

Carlos groans softly. "Man, just when it was getting good."

Kendall slips his hand out of Carlos' pajama pants. Logan and James look at each other and crack up.

"What? Like you two weren't going at it over there?"

"No, Carlos, it's just...now you know how we felt. Every time we almost kissed and you were suddenly there. Or when we were gonna make out in the car, but you showed up."

"Right," James agrees. "It's about time you get yours."

"Whatever. Come on, Kendall, let's go open presents. You're gonna love what I got you," Carlos says again.

Five minutes later the family is settled around the living room. Mrs. Knight is on the loveseat, James and Logan are on the couch (snuggled up as much as they dare in front of the females), Kendall is on the floor leaning against the couch, and Katie and Carlos are fighting over who gets to play Santa and pass out gifts. "You can take turns!" Mrs. Knight yells, and then it's a fight over who goes first. "Oh, for the love of...knock it off, or I'll make Kendall do it!" That shuts them up and finally all the gifts are distributed. Which leads to another argument over who gets to open theirs first, because in the Knight family they take turns.

"I'll go first!" Kendall yells, wishing he was back in bed with Carlos even though right now he could smack Carlos for being so obnoxious. But then again, it's why he loves him. He starts with a gift from Katie, setting off the round of present-opening. Each of the guys saves the gift from their boyfriend for last.

Carlos is speechless at first when he opens the crudely-wrapped envelope Kendall passes him. "Is this a joke? Did you make this up?"

"Nope. It's real." Kendall grins, watching Carlos next to him and wishing he could just squeeze him tight and carry him off to bed.

"No, it's not. It can't be. You started this for me, right? Totally made it. Because of the helmet thing. It makes you-"

Kendall interrupts him, afraid to let him finish that sentence in their current company. "Carlos, no! It's real. I was looking at helmets online, trying to find something for you, and I came across that. It really exists."

"What is it?" James asks.

"It is a welcome letter and membership to the Helmet-of-the-Month Club," Kendall beams.

"Oh, for Heaven's sake," Mrs. Knight comments. "There's such a thing?"

"And what does this entitle Carlos to?" Logan asks, honestly curious.

"He gets a subscription to _Helmet_ magazine and each month they send him a helmet."

"Wow, look! The first month is an army helmet! I've wanted one of those forever!" Carlos gapes at Kendall in amazement. "Dude! This is...it's..." And Carlos launches himself at Kendall, knocking him back onto the floor and attempting to kiss him, but Kendall evades the contact.

"Carlos!" he whispers. "Not here! Knock it off!"

"Why don't I go next?" James says loudly, distracting everyone's attention.

"Yeah," Logan agrees. "Here." He picks up the box from him and hands it to James. _God I hope he doesn't attack me like that. Well...sort of. Maybe later._

James rips open the box and pulls out a video game and a piece of paper. "Project Runway? They made a game out of this?"

"I guess you get to design your own fashions and stuff, and try to make your model win or something. I'm not really sure. But there's a condition."

"A condition?" James frowns at Logan.

"You have to play it with me."

"Oh." The grin that lights up James' face makes Logan's heart stop again. "You know I'm gonna kick your ass, right? Win every round?"

"That's what you think. I have mad fashion skills."

"Ha right, whatever." They both know it's an excuse to spend more time together, and James is fine with that. "Thanks, Logan!"

And James wants to kiss him, Logan can see it, so he suggests, "Read the printout."

"Whoa. Seriously?" James is beaming now. "I thought you said I shouldn't use 'Cuda stuff."

Logan shrugs. "Well, it got me something I'd been wanting for a long time." And now James is melting, so Logan has to look away. "It's a gift certificate for the 'Cuda store at the mall," he explains. "So that means we have to make another mall trip."

"Fine by me," James answers, and if he doesn't stop looking at Logan like that, Logan's gonna have to drag him away to the bedroom.

"Kendall. Go." _Please_, his eyes beg.

Kendall takes the hint. "Right, okay! So this is from Carlos. And it's big. You didn't get me a helmet, did you?" he teases.

"Nah, but you can wear one of mine! Since I'll be getting twelve more over the next year!" Carlos really is too excited about it.

When Kendall opens his gift and pulls out a Minnesota Wild jersey, everyone is impressed. Because not only does it have Kendall's hockey number and the name "Knight" on the back, it's autographed by the entire team. Kendall can't even speak. He can only stare at Carlos in amazement.

"Honey, breathe. Just breathe," Mrs. Knight commands.

Katie sighs. "Great, Carlos, you killed him. That's just great."

"Carlos...how did you..."

"I had help. Kelly and Gustavo hooked me up when I told them what I wanted to get you. So it's kind of from them, too. But mostly from me because it was my idea."

"Aw, Carlos. I can't think of anything that would mean more to me. Thank you."

"I know my Kendall," Carlos grins, and now it's Kendall who is in danger of outing them all by kissing Carlos senseless.

They're never gonna make it through this morning without blowing it, Logan just knows it. _Thank God I'm not emotional. _"Okay, my turn!" He's really not worried, because James probably got him some product to make his hair look better or a new shirt or...

Logan lifts the lid off the box and has to stare at it for a long time before accepting that he's really seeing what he thinks he's seeing. He looks up at James in awe, not even noticing that James is tense and nervous, afraid Logan won't like the gift. "Oh, James."

"I don't even really know what it does, or what it's for, but all the math nerds online seemed to think it was cool, so..."

Logan lifts out the ancient-looking abacus, running a hand over it lovingly.

"And it's like...authentic or whatever. It has a certificate and everything. I guess it's from really old times. Like when they actually used that stuff."

"What is it?" Carlos whispers to Kendall.

"Some kind of tool they used to do math in ancient times. I don't know how it works, but it's for counting and stuff."

"Oh, math. Yeah, that's why Logan's about to cry."

And Logan is, tears are forming because _wow_. How could James even know how special this is to him? "James, how could you even afford this?"

"Told you. Grandma's been sending me money. But nobody tell my parents, because they'd take it, okay?"

Everyone nods, knowing all about James' parents and their selfish greed.

"Thank you." It's all Logan can bring himself to say because he's about to lose it. He sets the abacus gently back in the box, fighting with everything in him to keep from dragging James close and kissing him until he can't breathe.

But James knows him, and so the words aren't necessary. He nods, eyes promising a better exchange of gratitude later when they can be alone.

"So that's it, right? No more presents? Because I'm ready for breakfast." Mrs. Knight stands up and stretches. "Everyone get dressed. We're going out."

"Out?" Katie asks. "On Christmas?"

"I'm certainly not cooking. It's my day off. We'll find something open."

"Wait, there was one more thing. I forgot, it's in my room. It's for you, Logan." James pulls him by the arm, and Logan goes willingly.

"Don't take too long, boys. I'm hungry and I will leave without you!"

No one doubts that, so Carlos, Kendall, and Katie all head for their rooms, but Carlos finds his door locked. "Aw, come on! Really, guys?"

Kendall rushes out to shush Carlos. "Shut up, will you? Just come into my room."

"But you heard what she said, she's gonna leave without us!"

"I promise, if they're not out in five minutes, I'll break in, okay?" Kendall shuts the door behind them. "Besides. That gives us five minutes to thank each other properly."

"Oh! Well then." Carlos pulls Kendall down for a kiss, no longer concerned about breakfast.

* * *

"So was this just an excuse to be alone? Because James...I can't even tell you how much that present means to me."

"So you like it? I wasn't sure, but it was math, so..." James falls to his knees and reaches under his bed, coming out with a small bag.

"I love it. It's...God, it's amazing. I know right where I'm putting it, too. Somewhere Carlos can't break it. Oh, what's that?"

"It's kind of silly, but..." James shrugs, embarrassed. "Well, it's just...I know you. And I know how your mind works. At least when it comes to me. And yourself. So I thought we should have something."

"What kind of something?"

James pulls out two thick black rubber bracelets. "I saw these at the mall. And I thought it would be nice to have a reminder that we can wear all the time."

"What do they say?" Logan reaches out for one.

"Nothing, they're just blank. At least they were." After making sure it's the right one, he passes Logan a bracelet. "I personalized them."

Logan studies the outside of the rubber and sees nothing. When he turns it inside out, though, he smiles. "Oh, James."

Carved into the rubber are the words "I heart you. Love, James." Except the heart is an actual heart shape. And James did this himself.

"I know that you probably don't understand why I love you. You're afraid I'm gonna find someone better or forget about you."

Logan looks down at the floor, wondering how James, air-headed and too-pretty-to-be-real James, can possibly see through him so easily.

"Am I right?"

"It's just that I don't get what you see in me. You're so...God, James, you're beautiful and funny and silly sometimes, but it's what makes you so adorable. And everybody wants you. How can I compete with that?"

"There's no competition, Logan. None at all. I told you, I can't even see anyone else anymore. You've uh...ruined me."

"I'm just afraid you'll get bored. I'm new and shiny right now, but what happens when I get old and boring?"

"Ah, Logan. Come here." James cups Logan's face in his hands and pulls him in, kissing him with all of the love and need running through him at every second of every day. "Does that feel like I could ever get bored? Ever _not_ want you?"

Actually, Logan's mind is pretty blown right now, because that kiss... "Wow."

"The bracelet is a constant reminder that it's you I love, you I want to be with, and even when we're not together I'm thinking about you. If that ever changes, you'll be the first to know, but...Logan. I love you." James stretches the rubber and slides it over Logan's hand until it's in place.

"There are two of them. Is one for you?"

"Yeah. I thought it could work both ways."

"Give me that." James' bracelet is completely blank. "What did you use to carve into it?"

"What? Oh, just a little knife."

"Give it to me."

James blinks in surprise but reaches into his nightstand and pulls out a Swiss army knife.

Logan takes a seat at the desk in their room and goes to work. It's clumsy, but when he's finished it is a perfect match to James' message, right down to the heart symbol. He stands and holds it out, and after looking it over James allows him to slip it onto his wrist. "There. Now we match."

"You know, Logan...it's not like I don't worry about you getting over me. I keep thinking you'll wake up and realize you can do so much better, find someone you can talk to about like...math and astronomy and all that nerdy stuff you love so much."

"Well, we'll have to educate each other then. I'll teach you about nerdy stuff, and you can teach me about pretty boy stuff. And we'll balance each other out." The smile James gives him makes Logan feel like king of the world. "And by the way, I love you, too. Like...so much it scares me."

James nods. "Yeah. But we finally got where we need to be." He pulls Logan in for a tight hug. "Right here."

Logan lifts his lips to James and loses himself in the sensation of loving and being loved in return, but five seconds into it, there's a loud pounding on the door.

"Guys, come on! Mom said you have five more minutes before we're leaving."

After a pause they hear another banging followed by the same message repeated by Katie.

"You know, we're never gonna get any time alone," Logan whines.

"We'll make time. Carlos isn't gonna be a problem anymore. And we're going to the mall tomorrow, right? 'Cuda store?"

Logan wraps his arms around James' waist with a sigh. "It's a date."

* * *

So I don't really know if there's a Project Runway video game or a Helmet club. I didn't have the resources to research it. But again, thank you guys for reading this. I love you SO MUCH.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Notes:**

I finished this story a long time ago, but today is a very special day for a very special young lady and I wanted to do something nice for her. This is her favorite of my stories (I think?) and when I was trying to figure out what to write for her, I thought of this story and decided to do a little chapter. It's not much, but it was actually fun to revisit these guys for a little while. My first Jagan, awwwwww. I do have a soft spot for them.

So this one's for you, **BreakAllTheBordersDown**. Happy Birthday! I will never forget the night you tweeted me at just the right time, when I'd decided to stop writing for good and never look back. Your tweets turned me right back around, and I'm grateful for that. Without you, The Permanent One and Everything in its Time would never have been written, so thank you for that. James and Logan (and Jamie!) thank you for that, too. :)

I also must thank **kathrynew30**, because without her this story would never have been started at all. I can't believe it's been a year since I posted it, and it's weird that I'm writing them a year later...a year later. Kathryn, our "Jargan" talks are what inspired me to write Jagan in the first place, and this story was the beginning of that. This will always be your story in my heart. And I love you.

* * *

For someone who's on winter break, Logan is tired. He's had no down time at all since their last day of school. Between helping the guys with their projects, getting Christmas shopping in, and Gustavo setting up holiday shows for them to perform, he's barely had time to sleep. As he turns the knob to enter 2J, all he wants to do is find James and drag him to bed so they can sleep forever.

Instead he's distracted by the aroma of food. Reminded of a moment he will always treasure, the time he came home from dance rehearsal to find James making a disaster out of spaghetti, he smiles and drops his bookbag on the couch before heading toward the kitchen.

"Hey, Logan! Whoa, whatcha doing?"

Kendall appears out of nowhere and steers him toward the hallway.

"I was going to the kitchen?"

"Nah, nothing to see there. Don't you have homework to do?"

Now they're in the bedroom he shares with James. Amused, Logan spins around with his arms over his chest. "What's going on?"

"Nothing. I just thought we should talk. You know, catch up."

"Yet a minute ago I had homework to do. Is James wrapping a present for me in the kitchen or something?"

"No, Logan. Why are you so suspicious all the time?"

"Hey, Kendall!" Carlos is approaching from the living room. "Where did your mom hide the nice dishes? Dude, Logan is so lucky, that stuff looks _so_ good. I can't believe James-" He stops talking abruptly when he enters the room to see Logan there.

With a raised eyebrow Logan smirks at Kendall. "Yeah, why am I so suspicious?"

"Okay, look, James wanted to surprise you, so please act surprised. He's put a lot of effort into this and he's really nervous. It's his first time cooking without you."

"He's cooking for me?" The smile that graces Logan's face can only be called lovestruck. "I love him so much. Can I go kiss him now?"

"Absolutely not. You weren't supposed to be home for another hour, so you just sit in here and wait."

Carlos bounces on his feet. "Kendall, he said we could have a little bit if we wanted, before we leave for the movie. To test it out. Dude," he says to Logan, "it looks so good!"

"I'll be right out to find those dishes. Please don't attempt to hold them, Carlos. Mom will kill me if we break them. And whatever you do, don't tell James that Logan's home."

"Okay. Have fun tonight, dude!" With a last grin at Logan, Carlos rushes out.

"He's really cooking for me?"

"He is. Tonight was all his idea. You two are so romantic it makes me want to puke sometimes."

"Oh please. Who set up a candlelight dinner by the pool on Valentine's Day?"

"Which was a bad idea. I forgot how Carlos is around open flame."

"And who bought out the whole flower shop to fill Carlos' hospital room with sunflowers when that resulted in an emergency room visit?"

Kendall shrugs, blushing. "They're his favorite. He says they remind him of lions. Don't even ask, I have no idea."

"And then there was the time you helped him climb the Hollywood sign just because it was always a dream of his."

"That's not romantic."

"The making out on the L was."

"Until we fell off. So lucky we didn't get caught."

"I'm just saying. You are plenty romantic. You and James both. And Carlos and I are lucky to have you."

"Aww, now you're getting all sappy on me."

"Shut up and go help my boyfriend make me dinner. Do we have the place to ourselves tonight?"

"For a few hours, but that's all you'll need."

"True, we can finish up in the bedroom," Logan grins.

Kendall laughs and claps Logan on the shoulder. "Just give us a little more time. I'll tell him you're here but you're clueless."

"Thanks."

* * *

It's an agonizingly long wait, especially with his stomach growling every time he gets a waft of food, but Logan spends it thinking back over the past year. He remembers the moment that set it all into motion, James helping him hang an ornament on a Christmas tree, and that whole time leading up to Christmas morning when they'd exchanged their promise bracelets. He reaches down to touch his now, feeling the thick rubber under his fingers and sighing. Turning it inside out, he smiles when he sees the "I 3 YOU" carved into the black material. Yeah, James is a romantic and Logan wouldn't have it any other way.

He also remembers how difficult it was for them to get anywhere. Every time they had a close call or even an actual date, someone (usually Carlos) interrupted to ruin the moment. The observatory was the perfect place for their first kiss, but it hadn't happened there. Thinking they would have time after the laser show, they'd waited for a private moment that never came. It wasn't until Christmas Eve they'd finally kissed, and when they did there was a flurry of falling stars and somehow that seemed fitting; all their wishing had finally come true.

Logan is sitting on his bed lost in memories when James flies by in a blur to grab some clothes from their closet and run right back out. He's already gone by the time Logan opens his mouth to speak, but a few seconds later he pokes his head into the doorway.

"It is you! What are you doing here?"

Logan chuckles. "I'm waiting patiently to be called for dinner. Is it ready yet?"

"So you do know. I knew Kendall was lying." James walks into the bedroom and leans down for a kiss. "Hi."

"Hi there. Look at you, you're covered in sauce again! You used the lid this time, right?"

"Yes, Mommy, and I even boiled the water before adding the noodles this time."

"So what's the occasion? Just felt like being adorable tonight?"

"I thought I was adorable every night."

"Some nights you're just sexy."

"Oh, I like that." James pulls Logan up to kiss him properly. "Now let me take a quick shower and we can eat. And maybe put on something...red. Yeah, I love you in red."

"You love me in anything."

"Or nothing."

"Go on, get out of here or we'll never eat."

"Since you're here, watch the garlic bread. I was worried it would burn while I showered."

"Are the guys gone?"

"Yep. They went to a movie. Mom and Katie are, too."

"So I'm changing my clothes just to eat?"

"Who says that's all I have planned?"

Logan grins and pushes James out the door. "Go get pretty for me."

"Always."

* * *

"So really, James. What's the occasion?"

James smiles as he looks up from his plate and sets down his fork to reach out and cover Logan's left hand with his right. "Remember our first date? The observatory?"

"Of course I do."

"Well. That was a year ago. Today."

Logan blinks as his heart swells. "Was it? You remembered that?"

"I remember everything. The way you felt the first time I held you against me as we looked out over the city. The way you were so patient with me that day I messed up the spaghetti. The way you hugged me with your legs when you almost fell back into the sink. The way you knew I wanted to kiss you and didn't run away, but leaned right into it. I even remember washing your hair and getting jealous when Kendall tried to take over."

Logan swallows, overwhelmed suddenly. "You were so ridiculous about him."

"I didn't know he was into Carlos then. Once you asked me out, though, I knew it was me you wanted. Mostly."

"It _is_ you I want. Always. And I'm sorry I didn't realize it was our anniversary."

"It's fine, you've got enough on your mind. Let me keep track of these things. Makes me feel useful."

Logan squeezes his hand. "I love you."

James squeezes back with a smile. "I know."

* * *

"So you're not gonna tell me where we're going."

"Nope. You can be surprised for once."

When James exits the freeway and turns left, Logan smiles; he knows exactly where they're going and loves James for it. "Think maybe this time we can park and make out?"

"Oh, I'm counting on it."

The laser show is fun, but what they enjoy most about this trip to the observatory is what they enjoyed last time-Logan leaning back against James as they stare at the lights of Hollywood, James' arms around Logan's waist. He bends his head to press a kiss to Logan's neck.

"Mmm, this is nice. Should we do this every year?"

"I think we should. Fifty years from now we'll be racing around here in our wheelchairs, scaring all the kids."

Logan laughs. "Somehow I picture you and Carlos doing that while Kendall and I sit back and shake our heads."

James shrugs. "Whatever works. As long as I get to do this with you at some point."

"What about the rest of it? The uh...fun times down the hill?"

"Whatever we can manage. Kissing would be enough if that's all we can do. Holding hands, even."

"You are so amazing. Everyone thinks you're this stuck-up, shallow jerk but you're just...not."

"It's just you. When it comes to you, I don't matter. Nothing does but you."

"And again. I love you."

"I love you, too. Want to go make out and risk getting arrested for indecent exposure in public?"

With a laugh, Logan turns around in James' arms and lifts up onto his toes for a kiss. "As long as we share a cell, I'm good with that."

"Such a rebel now. Still love the new you."

"I know." He pulls James down for another kiss, this one a preview of what's waiting in the car.


End file.
